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I feel like it's been a while since we looked at femininity and just when I was wondering what to do about that, the Lord just dumped something in my lap this morning. I'd thought about writing up something along these lines before, but decided to go another route at the time....now here the topic is again starting me in the face. Funny how that works sometimes!
Anyway, my Scripture reading this morning was in Ephesians chapter 5, and one verse struck me in particular. Here's a very short paraphrase of the first part of the verse: "Giving thanks in all things". Gratitude. I've been feeling less than thankful lately. Let's rewind to yesterday afternoon. You could find me laying in bed, curled up and staring at the wall trying to convince myself that I was not fat, I had clothes that were not ugly, my husband still found me attractive and I could leave the house for choir practice with my held held (reasonably) high. Impressive, yes? Just keeping it real here. You see, I've been trying to pack for a long road trip with my Mom. It's one of the highlights of my year. However, when I started trying to put outfits together on Tuesday for this trip, everything I tried on (seemingly) looked horrible, unstylish and frumpy. I felt fat and lumpy. Finally, I had to step away and leave the stuff in piles because I was getting very discouraged and wanted to buy an entire new wardrobe while trashing everything I owned. So, yesterday, I decide to try again. And again, nothing seemed suitable, I felt like each item of clothing was highlighting an area I wanted hidden; and now I hated my hair and wanted to make a change. Thankfully, my husband talked me off the hair-changing pinnacle before my appointment today....and honestly, he made me laugh off some of my body and clothing issues. But the inner voice is still there and sometimes it's darn hard to quiet as it shouts out my insecurities, my fears and my worries. Then I wake up this morning to the words "Giving thanks in all things."
And then I start to think....and repent of my ungrateful, unfeminine attitude. There is nothing feminine or attractive about bemoaning the things in my life, either factual or perceived, that don't meet my expectations. However, all too often that's my default mindset - focusing on the negative. I don't want to be that person! I can find something in each situation for which to thank God and a million things outside of any given situation for which to be thankful. I don't think this means that we always thank God specifically for the bad things that happen to us. God forbid this happen, but if one of my children should die, I don't think God wants me to say "Thank you God for taking one of my children" in the midst of grief and suffering. However, even in a horrible situation like that, I could still thank God for the years he gave me with that child and the future comfort I will be able to give others in the same situation. I think gratitude is easier for some than others. Those of us with a more positive outlook on life may find it easier to be thankful; while others who have a more negative temperament or who have been scarred by any number of things in their past may find it much more difficult. But regardless of our temperament, our pasts, or our current situation we have an obligation to be thankful.
So, I will attempt to live out what I read this morning in Ephesians. I feel just as fat today as I did yesterday; but I will be thankful for maxi dresses that cover a multitude of perceived body issues. My packing is still in a state of disarray with clothing scattered all over my room; but I will be thankful for the items of clothing that I love, already own and that fit me well and put the rest back in my closet. Instead of worrying about how my husband views me, I will thank God for a husband who has loved me unconditionally through the gain/loss of 50 pounds since we got married and who assures me he still finds me attractive. And most of all, I will be thankful that in a few more days these PMS symptoms will pass and I'll be back to my normal, confident self! Gratitude is part of femininity. Embrace gratitude, even when it seems you have nothing for which to be thankful. Remember - God is good...all the time....thank Him for it.
