Practical Holiday Eating Tips

My most-read post, to date, was the one on weight loss and maintenance.  Seems that's quite a popular topic!  And maybe never more so than during the holiday season when we are presented with holiday goodies at every turn.  How in the world do you maintain any kind of sensible eating plan, much less a full-fledged diet, when you have 5 holiday parties, 2 church fellowships, office workers bringing cookies from their parties, and the pressure to be a regular Martha-Stewart-type-baker in your own kitchen?  Most of us don't -  maintain any kind of eating plan, that is.  We either chunk the diet out the window during the holidays, or we restrict ourselves to only eating carrots dipped in ranch dressing at each and every holiday party.   Right now, I'm in the midst of a year-long (with no cheating....well, except that one time on my birthday) eating plan that rules out the vast majority of holiday goodies.  I knew this gauntlet of holiday festivities would come and decided to go right ahead with my commitment anyway. There will be no holiday baked goods for me this year. However, that may not be practical for everyone, obviously. So, I wanted to write down a few tips that might help you navigate the cheese balls, chocolate peanut-butter fudge dipped Oreos, and 3 kinds of cornbread dressing you'll face in the coming 6 weeks!

1.  Holidays are not about the food.  Maybe I should rephrase that - holiday are not only about the food!  While we may have traditional favorites we cook ourselves, or holiday treats baked for us by others - this is not the crux of the holiday season. Food is just food.  Sometimes, it's not so much the food, as the chance to spend time around a table with the people you love most in the world.  It's not just another chance to bake 3 different kinds of pies, but the opportunity to share that pie with people you care about.  It is possible to enjoy the holidays and all the togetherness and joy that comes with them, without overindulging in all the food.  It is possible to sit at a table with your family and be a part of a wonderful holiday feast without your plate so full that it's dripping gravy off all sides.  Try to look past the food to the other parts of the holiday - family, friends, special occasions, thankfulness for all the many blessings we have.  Yes, the food is wonderful and special - but it's not the only thing that's important or meaningful during this time of year. 

2.  There's always next year.  If you are in the midst of a real effort to lose weight, or honestly feel that the holidays may derail your entire eating plan; then maybe it's time to say, there's always next year.  Honestly, every year it's the same old food trotted out over and over again!  Our traditional family meal has remained the same for the past umpteen years, and as much as I love it (hello, Mom!), we will have the same dishes next year and the year after that.  People bring the same things to the same parties each year.  You don't have to blow your diet on something that you can most assuredly have next year when you've reached your goal. It's OK to pass it by once, knowing that it'll come around again.

3.  It it's not great, don't eat it.  If that pumpkin pie is not the very best, then don't eat it.  Don't slop whipped cream on top to make it more edible.  If you're going to eat the holiday food, make it count!  Choose the richest dessert and eat half....instead of trying each of the other 10 desserts on the table.  There's no sense in indulging in something that's not worth indulging in!  If the turkey dressing is dry, why continue to shovel it in?  Pass it up and then make some yourself at home that's really good....if you're still wanting it the next day.  I think we get guilted into eating to pacify other people, when often the food is just not good or we don't want to offend.  If you're worried about offending, take a tiny bit of everything, eat your tiny bit and be done. You can say you had some, but not worry about trying to finish off an entire helping.  There's nothing wrong with being picky about your indulgences.

4.  Just eat it, already.  If you live for the holiday season because it's the only time you get this dish or that dessert and you just can't pass it by - then eat it!  Eat as much as you want.  But then, on Friday morning (or the day after that big party) get up and start right back with your former plan.  Don't eat leftovers for days.  You had your fun, ate your fill - now it's time to move on.  Don't turn that one day of indulgence into a weekend, or a week, or before you know it the holiday season will be done and you will have indulged 10 times and gained 10 pounds.  Choose the occasion for indulgence, go for it, and then start right back up.

5.  Keep maintenance as a goal. Anyone who tries to actively lose weight during the holiday season is just crazy. It can be done, but seriously what fun would that be?  A good goal to keep in mind is to just maintain your current weight until after New Years and then actively start again with trying to lose weight.  There's nothing wrong with trying to maintain your weight...especially when the vast majority of people will gain 5-10 pounds over a 6 week period of time.  Remember that weight loss and maintenance is a very long journey.

6.  Don't let your diet be a downer.  Be careful not to constantly belittle yourself for failures, but also not to have an "Eeyore" attitude about the fact that you're trying to lose weight while everyone else is shoveling in the food like there's no tomorrow.  You made a choice to try to lose weight and be healthy. That doesn't mean you have to limit your food choices to such an extent that you feel constantly imprisoned by that choice.  Define your limits before the season starts, and then do your best to follow those limits; however, realizing all the while that your weight loss/maintenace is a life long pursuit...not something that will be completely derailed if you eat 2 slices of pie instead of just a bite!  Also, don't let your diet be a downer to others.  It's no fun for you to go to a party or family dinner and regale everyone with the restrictions of your eating plan and how you know this or that is bad for you or them.  Be quiet and eat what you can without drawing attention to yourself or your eating plan.  If you're still hungry later, fill up at home. But you'll make a hostess feel bad for their "unhealthy" cooking or you'll make friends/family feel guilty for their own choices and/or pity you for your restricted choices.  There's more to the holidays than eating. Enjoy them and don't broadcast the fact that you're watching what you eat!

These are just some very practical tips that might help.  Let me know if you have any questions or further observations about what has worked for you. I'm always open to new ideas for my own eating endeavors!  Happy Thanksgiving and I'll "talk" to you next week.

Approaching the Holiday Season....Appropriately

As it gets closer and closer to the holiday season, I get closer and closer to freaking out.  My mind goes a mile-a-minute while I lay in bed, or drive to work, or sit in my chair at work (ssshhh....don't tell!) trying to plan, prepare, and schedule our increasing load of holiday appointments and activities.  Somedays it seems I can handle it all - no problem!  And other days, it seems like it will all come crashing down and that party we're hosting will be a total disaster and I'll hide in my bathroom with the door shut.  And ultimately, what I end up doing is bypassing this wonderful season of Thanksgiving and everything that it includes - gratefulness, praise, time with family, some of my favorite colors and weather - to focus on what is coming down the road.

I read a recent blog post by a wonderful Christian woman and she referenced the verse in Ecclesiastes: 'to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.'  This kind of hit me like a load of bricks.  How often do I get caught up in looking forward?  A lot.  There's nothing inherently wrong in looking forward.  I'm a planner and organizer, so I'm always looking foward and planning some part of my life.  But...what sometimes happens is I get so caught up in looking foward and planning for the future (and sometimes worrying about the future), that I totally miss the "now".  I need to remember that it's not time for that future season yet.

We are planning for retirement and have lots of hopes and dreams about owning this mountain home, or that beach condo one day.  But in my planning and preparation for 20 years down the line, do I forget to enjoy the beautiful house that God has given me right now?  In my anxiousness to see my kids mature and grow into independent beings, do I miss being here - right now - with them to experience all the immaturity and sillyness of their youth?  In my quest to have the perfectly decorated home, do I miss the opportunities to have people over TODAY even though things are not "just the way I want them" yet?  So often, I get wrapped up in the "not yet", instead of enjoying and appreciating the "right now".

So, my goal as I enter this holiday season is to appreciate where I am today.  I will celebrate Thanksgiving fully without glossing over it to get to Christmas.  I will spend the day at the farm tomorrow with my family instead of trying to finish the curtains in the kitchen so they'll be perfect for our holiday parties.  I will enjoy the clothing I already have instead of constantly dreaming and shopping for just the right Christmas day outfit.  All of that will come eventually....but its "season" is not here yet.  I would encourage you to appreciate and fully embrace wherever you are in life right now.  There is so much joy that can be found in the here and now....the journey can be just as fun as the ultimate destination!

The True Measure of Comparisons

Since I wrote my last post, I've been pondering how we are to view ourselves.  And having trouble coming up with something to write.  You see, I usually blog about stuff that I'm struggling with, or things which God is showing me or working on in my own life.  And I do have vast experience with comparing myself to others.  What I don't have much experience with is viewing myself and others in the right way.  I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact of how much I do compare myself to others; sometimes without even realizing it.  I, honestly, have not even gotten to the point where I have a handle on a right view of myself in relation to others.  So, my goal to write 3 posts on this subject was a bit ambitious, I guess.  I've tried to start writing this post at least 3 times and end up deleting it each time.

Here is all I know right now.  I will compare. It's fallen human nature to compare what I am or have with someone else.  It's the reaction to those comparisons and what I tell myself in response that can be damaging.

Michael (my husband) and I were talking about this subject earlier this week, and then our Pastor preached on it this morning.  Maybe God's trying to tell me something!  The Bible says we were created in God's image.  Human beings, although not gods in and of themselves, are an image - a direct reflection - of God Himself.  And because of being His image bearers, we are also accorded some measure of dignity.  This would seem to refute the idea that I are worthless, unlovely, or unwanted.  If I am made in the image of God, then I have worth.  If I are made in the image of God then I am uniquely lovely and beautiful.  If I am made in the image of God, then He had a purpose for making me and putting me here.  When I constantly berate myself because I don't measure up (in my own mind), I am essentially telling God that His image is not acceptable to me.  He should have made me differently, given me more, designed me like "her".  It seems the height of arrogance to imply to a Creator God that He didn't know what he was doing when He made me.

But on the flip side of this thought, I must also realize that others were made in God's image.  The homeless person begging for change who I avoid at the gas station, the liberal news pundit on CNN whose views I despise, the Muslim terrorist who threatens my freedom, my homosexual relative, the lady next door who's young, fit and drives a new Lexus - all bear the same image of God that I bear.  This fact renders me no better than them.  They deserve the same measure of worth and value that I do.  I am not a better person because I am a Christian.  I am not a better person because I'm more stylish, more conservative, more organized, or more theologically sound.  Often, I wrap myself in my aura of "betterness" and look down on those who are different - never remembering the fact that God made them exactly as they are, for a reason only He knows and for a purpose that He is working out for His glory. Believer or non-believer - they are image bearers of God the same as I.

I guess, at this point, I'm learning that I am no better or worse than anyone else.  I am just different.  And different is OK!  God has accorded me dignity and value by making me in His image.  He has also given that same dignity and value to others, which means I need to show them respect as His image bearers.  But, there is something that sets me apart - God has chosen me and set His love on me.  Through nothing that I've done or not done, but for His own glory and purposes.  That fact should shove all of my insecurity and arrogance to the curb.  Out of all His created image bearers, He chose me....and maybe you can say the same.  When I reflect on that truth, it makes all the temporal worries about my physical flaws, material possessions or talents seem inconsequential.  Who cares if my body is softer than hers if I've been chosen by Creator God?  Who cares where I live or what car I drive if I've been chosen by Jehovah Jireh (The Lord who Provides)?  God is all and in all.  I will choose to focus on Him and His all-encompassing and redeeming love.  Hopefully this will help to put into proper perspective the comparisons with which I'll continue to struggle.

The Lies Found in Comparisons - Part 2

The battle of comparisons usually takes place in our minds.  Very rarely would we dare voice the thoughts that we harbor about others.  Often we say the very opposite of what we're thinking; maybe in hopes of distracting others so they don't delve deeper into how we really feel or what we really think.  We may be dying inside; literally tearing ourselves apart with negative thoughts about our own self worth - but we paste on a smile, tell everyone we're doing "great" and move on quickly so they can't see behind the words.  We dress ourselves up in fancy attire and put on our new shoes, so people will notice the clothing and not the person within the clothing.  We hide behind the walls of our own homes instead of inviting people inside to see that we are not the perfect wife, mother and homemaker everyone thinks we are.  These actions and reactions flow from our negative thoughts - that we are not "enough".

However, there is another side to the battle that takes place in our minds.  Inside the same mind that harbors thoughts of never measuring up, there are also thoughts like these:

• What is she thinking wearing that outfit? (My clothes are much more stylish.)
• Are those crumbs on her kitchen floor? (I would never allow my floors to get that dirty.)
• I would never allow my children to act like that in church. (They should use our method of child training.)
• She really ought not to be singing in public. (My voice is much smoother than hers.)
• What is she listening to?  Madonna? (My music standards are much more pleasing to God.)
• They almost got divorced? (My marriage is stronger than hers.)
• She works outside the home? (She should be available to my children 24/7 - like me.)

These are actually tame thoughts.  They can be much worse.  What do we accomplish by thinking those things?  To put it simply, it makes us feel better.  When we compare ourselves and come out favorably in our own minds, it makes us feel better about our own insecurities. For a while, we can ignore our own doubts and fears about ourselves and how well we measure up (those pesky thoughts of "I am not enough") while concentrating on how far short they fall. But what's worse, is when we put on a faux-smile and compliment the person we just belittled inwardly.  "Oh, your house looks great!" or "Well, don't you look fancy today!".  All the while smiling smugly in our own minds because we "know" we are better. And therein we find the second lie in comparison - "I am better."

What we fail to realize in our superior comparisons is that we really are no better.  We cannot be a better person; because we are all sinners.  Remember what we talked about earlier? There is nothing good in us.  Absolutely nothing.  There is nothing intrisically different between myself and a prostitute.  We are both sinners in need of God's mercy and grace. But, you say, what about the fact that I'm a child of God and she is not?  Doesn't that make me better?  No!  If you had anything to do with your salvation, then maybe there would be a reason to make that claim. But the truth is that we did absolutely nothing to merit our salvation. We couldn't even choose Him, apart from his grace!  He had to enable us to make the choice.  If we were unable, in our fallen state, to even make the choice; if our eyes were completely blinded until God chose to open them; then how could you possibly say that his choice of you to be his child makes you better than one he did not choose? 

And to carry the thought further, how can you say that you are better in any way (physical appearance, family behavior, material possessions, talents) when God has given you everything that you have...and conversely, has withheld everything that she (or he) does not have?  The sovereignty of God makes your superior comparisons null and void.  If God chose to bless you with a large home and disposable income with which to decorate it, you should be thankful - not look down on someone else for their lack of stylish decor when they may not have the money to decorate as you do.  If God chose to bless you with organizational skills that make it easy for you to keep up with your household chores, you should be thankful for that gift - not look down your nose at your sister in Christ who struggles to keep up with her household tasks and care for her children at the same time.  If God chose to bless you with a thin and lithe body, you should be thankful - not look with disdain on those who are trying to be healthy but whose bodies are scarred by childbearing, weight fluctations or physical flaws.  If God chose to bless your childrearing efforts and your children are always well-behaved, then be thankful - don't judge someone else because their children are testing the limits of independence.  When we compare ourselves with a mindset of superiority, we are making ourselves idols in our own minds.  We think they should live up to our standards (of beauty, behavior, possessions).

Only by focusing on God, can I find self worth after my negative comparisons and only by focusing on God can I view myself properly in light of my superior comparisons.  God is the measuring stick - not another person.  And when I view myself in light of God, my comparisons can be viewed through a true lens - not a warped one of my own making.  Those negative thoughts that "I am not enough" pale in the light of God's love demonstrated toward me.  Those superior thoughts of "I am better" are overtaken by the realization that only by God's grace am I the person I am.  My response in both cases should be an overwhelming gratefulness to God!  When I choose to put my eyes on Him (because He alone deserves that kind of focus), all those other comparisons fall by the wayside as I respond in joy and thankfulness for what He has done.

The Lies Found in Comparisons - Part 1

This week, I wanted to do a 3-part series on the harmful lies found in comparing ourselves with others.  I'm hoping by putting some of my thoughts on this subject into the blogosphere for all to see, it will help me come to terms with the lies I tell myself, but also maybe help some of my readers who also live with the fall-out from these lies on a regular basis.

Picture with me a woman seated at a table having dinner with her fiance.  She is seated facing the door to the restaurant and they are engaged in conversation.  Someone walks in the door to eat and the woman at the table surreptiously surveys the new entrant from top to bottom, all while maintaining the conversation with her future spouse.  With the quirk of an eyebrow, noticed only by her fiance, she conveys a message of distate, censure, pride or sometimes acceptance.  She does this little charade with everyone who enters the restaurant.  What would you think of a woman who compared herself to every other person walking in the door?  What would you think if you could see inside her head to witness the negative comparisons but also the prideful feelings of superiority?  What would you think if I said that woman was me?  Comparing myself to others is probably the biggest struggle with sin in my entire life...it's not pretty.

I have a sneaking suspicion that most people struggle with comparisons between themselves and others. It might not be the huge battle that it is for me....but then again, it may.  Men are subject to these thought patterns, but I think we, as woman, are far more prone to comparisons and then - past the comparisons - the horribly negative thoughts invoked by those comparisons.  Do any of the following internal conversations sound familiar?

"Her house is so beautiful!  Look at the beautiful framed pictures of her children.  Her furniture is spotlessly clean and she has so much open space.  Gosh, I can't even remember the last time I mopped my floors!  My kids school pictures for the past 3 years are still in their vinyl envelopes.  What kind of mom and housekeeper am I?"

"Look at that outfit....it's perfection.  I bet she has a closet full of clothes like that with shoes to match.  What am I doing in these sweat pants in public?  Is that a coffee stain on my shirt?  Who goes out of the house looking like this?  Me, that's who...."

"I am so fat!  The mirror doesn't lie.  Look at the way my fat bulges over my pants and those stretch marks - they'll be there til the day I die.  How could my husband ever find me attractive anymore?  I bet so-and-so doesn't have stretch marks. She sure doesn't look like she has any flab. I bet her husband is all over her!  Guess it's time for another diet."

"Why am I even at church today?  My kids clothes don't match and Johnny didn't brush his teeth.  I forgot my Bible and yelled at my husband this morning because he was watching ESPN instead of getting dressed.  That lady sitting in front of me probably doesn't deal with stuff like this.  Her hair and makeup are perfect, her children are in matching outfits and all have their Bibles ready, and her husband has his arm around her like she's a precious treasure.  How can God love and bless me unless I do a better job as a Christian wife and mother?"

Ladies, nothing can steal your joy as a feminine Christian woman more than these types of thoughts!  They lead us away from God and instill in us the lie that "I am not enough."  I am not organized enough to decorate my house and keep it clean.  I am not stylish enough to be relevant in this culture.  I am not pretty enough, skinny enough, or tall enough to meet expectations.  I am not a good enough wife, mother, housekeeper.  I am not spiritual enough to please God.  Aren't you tired of not being "enough"?

The cold, hard fact is that - on our own - we are never enough.  We are thorougly depraved sinners with a heart filled with deceit and sin.  Look it up in Jeremiah 17:9. It doesn't get much plainer than that.  We are never naturally content. We always look outside ourselves to find validation and then all we find is other people searching for the same thing from us.  We are created beings who rebelled against our Creator and, in our natural state, flout that rebellion in His face at every turn.  There is nothing desirable, perfect or good in any of us - in our natural state.  However, in one simple phrase God overrides all of our inadequacies.  He calls himself "I AM".  He IS what we are not.  He, put simply, is enough.  And when the love of One who is "enough" embraces us, then only through that love and embrace can we, too, be "enough".  If you are a child of God, you are enough.  This is not to say that there is no room for improvement in your life; but you, as a human being lovingly designed by God, are enough.  You may not have the latest fashions, a blog-worthy house filled with children and a husband who adores you, a perfectly toned body, or a model Christian walk - but you have Christ!  He has loved you, chosen you, given you His hard-won and priceless righteousness, intercedes before a just and holy God for you and declares there is nothing else you need to do to gain His favor and acceptance.  How could that possibly not be enough for us?  There is nothing else we need.  You, in Christ, are enough.  Don't let your comparisons and insecurities blind you to the truth!  What's worse is that this lie is usually not propogated from outside sources, although that can and does happen.  Most often, we tell this lie to ourselves...over and over again.  We believe the lie and by doing so, tell our Savior that he is not enough for us; that we need something else (more possessions, a skinnier body, a bigger house, a more romantic husband, approval, etc) in order to be happy and fulfilled.  Don't believe the lie! Don't get caught up in comparing yourself to others who walk a different path, in a different body, in a different family and with different possessions.  Rejoice in Christ as your "all in all".  You will be far more content and fulfilled if you do!

Weight loss & maintenance - what worked for me

In light of what I wrote earlier this week, and also as a way to get down in a semi-permanent place my thoughts on this subject after several years, I'm going to post about what worked for me as far as weight loss and maintenance.  Please bear in mind that what works for one person may not work for all people.  You may take what I say here and try it with drastically different results than what I achieved.  I am not a bariatric doctor nor do I claim to have all the answers. My sister-in-law does physical fitness for a living and so if you have any difficult questions, I'd probably refer you to her!  But with all that said, I wanted to document what I did to lose the weight, what I tried over the first 4 years of weight loss maintenence and finally, what I've been doing with great success (for me) this year.

First, here are some very important points:

 

1.  Your weight or body shape does not, and never will, define you as a woman or a child of God.

2.  Although you may be content to be overweight, there are real health benefits to be had in dropping excess weight.

3.  Your battles with your self-image and food will not disappear as the weight comes off. 

4.  It is possible to lose weight and keep it off for the long term...but it is never easy.  There are no quick fix, long term weight solutions. Be prepared to work at it for the rest of your life.

The Honeymoon Phase:
My initial weight loss came by good 'ol calorie counting and hard physical workouts.  It was the same for every person I ever met in the gym that was making progress with their weight loss goals.  The loss was slow (1-2 pounds per week) but steady until I lost the intial 50 pounds.  In that initial period, I did not eat McDonalds or bake a lot of cakes. It helped to be accountable to my personal trainer in that first 5-6 week period.  He was impartial, didn't know me outside the gym and I didn't feel judged as a person if he rebuked me for my eating (i.e. previous attempts at having my poor husband keep me accountable).  Living up to someone else's preset expections has always been easy for me, so when he told me to be at the gym "x" times per week and eat this and that....and  I knew I'd have to answer to him at our next session....well, I wanted to be the best little weight loss student there was!  When my rather expensive sessions with him were up, I had already dropped close to 20 pounds and was excited about my progress.  He left me with some workouts written on a piece of paper and encouraged me to keep up with my eating plan; and I've never seen him again.  So, I continued to count calories, eat as healthily as I could (with many slipups, of course) and work out obsessively.  So, counting calories will help you lose weight; as most everyone already knows. Working out in some way (cardio or lifting, or preferably both) will ramp up your weight loss and help to reshape your body.  I hate to sweat, but I hated my flabby body more than the sweat, more than the restrictive meals, and more than the early morning alarm clocks.  And it worked....for a time.

The Intevening Years:
So, most people accomplish what I did above at some point in their life.  Whether losing 10 pounds for a cruise, 20 pounds after a baby comes, or to meet some other goal - we all lose some weight and feel that we have conquered the world.  But then comes the hard part.  If you think it's hard to lose the weight, it's 10 times harder to keep it off for the long term.  There's an excitement in dropping a dress size, putting on pants you haven't worn in 5 years or buying new underwear because your old ones no longer stay up.  But what happens eventually is there are no more exciting plateaus to reach.  You've reached your goal, and now what?  What happens most often is we resort right back to the way we were eating before we met our goal...and the weight comes back.  This is the lose/gain roller coaster most women have ridden at some point or other.  It's not terribly hard to eat grilled chicken and salads when you're trying to lose 20 pounds because that end goal is getting nearer and your pants are getting looser.  But it's hard to continue to eat grilled chicken and salads for the neverending future!  Honestly, this is where most people fail in their weight loss goals.  And I can state for a fact that if I wasn't such a gym fanatic over those first 3 years after losing the weight, I would have put it all back on.  Working out at the gym for 1-2 hours, 5 days a week, burned enough calories for me to be able to eat what I wanted within reason.  So, gradually, after losing the weight I moved back to eating at Mcdonalds, pumpkin spice donuts at Dunkin Donuts, and baking lots of goodies in my own kitchen.  So, lesson learned (albeit not necessarily a healthy one) - if you work out hard enough you can eat whatever you want. I did go through spurts of careful eating - usually in response to a particularly hard negative-thought period, or if a friend at the gym challenged me to try something new, or if I tried on clothes at the store and I no longer fit into every sz 8 I pulled off the racks.   The problem is that most people are not going to compulsively workout at the gym and therefore, there's nothing stopping the weight from coming back.  But here's another lesson learned which turned out to be far more important for the future.  After 3 more years of working out, I realized I wasn't getting any smaller.  Even during the times I cut back on eating what I wanted and ate "clean", I would only lose a few pounds and those pounds would be won with sweat and tears.  Then as soon as I quit my challenging eating plan, those few pounds would come back and I'd be right back where I was. Never putting on those 50 pounds again, but also getting no smaller for all my efforts.  It's frustrating and disheartening, to say the least.  Toward the end of those 3 years and after doing a lot of research and reading on the topic, I came to the conclusion that my body is rather happy at a size 6/8 and will fight my efforts to lose any more weight.  There comes a point in your weight loss journey where your body will stabilize and, outside of enormous unsustainable effort on your part, will not go any lower in weight/size.  I think if many woman would quit trying to obtain an ideal set by Hollywood or New York City and listen to their bodies they would be far happier, content and not starving all the time.  I must end this part though with another observation.  At the end of this 3 year period, I was burned out on the gym (and had quit going), I was eating whatever I wanted (and had put 15 pounds back on) and I was not happy.  Weight loss is not a cure-all for your emotional well-being and happiness.  I'm raising my hand as the poster child for this thought!

My Current State:
In October of last year I started toying with a revolutionary idea to try in 2012, but first I wanted to see if I could maintain my weight by careful eating only (I'd already quit going to the gym).  This plan was an utter failure and I quickly put on 15 pounds over the holidays.  So, lesson learned - the gym workouts were the only reason I had kept the weight off as long as I had.  But I was so TIRED of going to the gym.  After contemplating for 2 months, I decided to commit to eating a certain way for an entire year with no cheating.  No birthday cake, no special occasion celebratory treats, no Easter/Halloween candy, nothing.  It honestly took me 2 months to get up the nerve to even try it.  But after buying my pants last winter in a size bigger than I'd worn in 4 years, I knew it was time to do something.  And here's my grand eating plan for 2012 - eat natural.  Sounds easy, right?  Yeah, until people look at you like your crazy and your own mother says she has no idea why you would ever commit to something like that, much less be successful at it!  By "eat natural" I meant that I would eat nothing processed or man-made (man made = not in its natural form).  That pretty much meant meat, veggies and fruits, and rice.  And not made into casseroles or mashed up with 5 other ingredients.  I would drink water and coffee.  My only treat would be extremely dark chocolate.  And yes, people think I'm crazy.  However, it is now 10 months into 2012 and I can honestly say that food is now in its proper place in my life and I feel more balanced and natural in maintaining my weight than I ever have in my life.  There's no more planning what to eat at the next meal, eating snacks between meals, looking forward to celebrations just for the cake and ice cream....and there's also no more weight fluctuations.  I dropped those excess 15 pounds in the first few months, albeit very slowly, and the weight has even crept down farther over what I'd lost while going to the gym.  I have not worked out one day this year (unless you count the occasional family walk), have not restricted myself with calories, fat content, portion size or mealtimes, and eat chocolate almost every day.  I no longer own a scale and have no idea how much I weigh.  All I know is that every single thing in my closet fits and fits well, and those items are a size 6 or 8.  That's all I need to know.  My stomach is not flat or hard anymore, my calves are normal sized, and I no longer have the biceps I once did.  However, weight maintenance is no longer arduous work and my cellulite has not returned (a blessing!) even if I'm softer all over than I was before.  Lesson learned - I can give up foods happily for the long term if the trade-off is a balanced approach to eating and an effortless weight loss maintenance.  The thing is, what I'm doing may not work for you.  You may need to find your own weight loss "nirvana".  And that's fine, it's wonderful, it's normal!  On the other side of the intervening years of weight loss maintenance, you will HAVE to find something that you can work with over the rest of your life. Because if you, at any time, go back to the way things were before you lost the weight, you will regain it.  That's why it's a lifelong struggle...for some of us more than others.  Food can be addicting - whether it's in the way it makes you feel, or the comfort it brings after a bad day, or the fun it provides as part of a get together.  But food is just food....and that's all it ever needs to be.

So, in conclusion, here are all my "lessons learned" in an easy to read format:

 

1.  The doctors are right. Cutting calories and exercising really do work.

2.  If you work out hard enough and long enough, you can pretty much eat what you want.  But this is not necessarily healthy.

3.  There comes a point where your body is satisfied at its current weight/size, and any more sustained loss will be an enormous, unsustainable struggle. 

4.  Weight loss is not a cure-all for your negative body image, unhappiness, or (insert any number of problems here).

5.  I (note the "I" - this is a personal decision) can give up foods happily for the long term if the trade-off is a balanced approach to eating and an effortless weight loss maintenance. 

6.  You must find a balanced way of eating/exercising that you can maintain for the rest of your life.

 

Ladies, weight loss and physical health is a difficult subject for a lot of us.  We carry baggage from our genetics, our childhood/adolescence, negative thoughts and maybe negative comments from others, pressure from Hollywood or magazines, and myriad other sources.  Again, I would encourage you to lose excess weight for your own physical health; but during the struggle to lose or maintain, I encourage you even more to take that baggage to the Lord.  He is aware of your genetics because He gave them to you; He is aware of every negative comment, look or thought that you or others have made about yourself; He is not taken by surprise at the current trend to be thin and toned.  He knows and yet, even as we struggle, He loves us JUST THE WAY WE ARE.  What better thought in which to rest while on this life-long physical and emotional journey of weight loss and fitness?

 

As always, I am open to questions both here on the blog and privately.

 



 

Can Femininity & Lack of Fitness Co-exist?

This is a subject very close to my heart and the more I ponder writing about it, the more I wonder if I should even be discussing it at all.  Our own level of fitness and weight is a very personal matter.  Some women are very comfortable in their own skin and carrying some extra weight or whether they can do 20 push-ups in a row is not a big deal for them.  But I would wager that for the vast majority of women, extra weight can be a source of low self esteem, negative thoughts, depression and a general feeling of unhappiness with ourselves and our bodies.  That kind of negativity does not foster a feminine spirit and so I felt it needed to be addressed.  This is an area that will be a constant personal battle for the rest of my life.  I've done the diets, the crazy gym routine, the roller coaster of lose/gain many, many times. So I feel I have some insights into this subject....both physically and emotionally.

The first thing I want to make plain is that how big or small, physically fit or "soft" you are does not define you as a woman.  You can be 50 pounds overweight and still be a feminine women both in looks and attitude.  You can have 5% body fat and flatter-than-flat abs and still be a feminine woman.  Femininity is deeper than our physical appearance or shape of our bodies.  We know this intellectually, but often, I think, have a hard time internalizing that fact.  When we are carrying extra weight, it's hard to feel beautiful and feminine....at least on a consistent basis.  I know, for me, when I'm feeling less than fit or when I'm feeling less than beautiful my coping mechanism is to shop.  If I have something new it makes me feel pretty and special and feminine - for a while.  Until the new outfit is put away and I look at myself in the mirror and those old feelings of inadequacy, guilt and negativity return. My coping mechanism is temporary and how feminine I look and feel in my new clothing is shortlived.  As women we are all feminine inherantly just be being "female". However, sometimes it's hard to maintain a feminine spirit of joy, contentment and peace when our minds are assiling us with thoughts of negative body image and how overweight we are.  I say all of this out of personal experience. 

Most of you only know me as I am now, or maybe as I was back in college.  Five years ago, I was not the same person I am now, physically or emotionally.  Five years ago, I weighed almost 200 pounds at 5'6 with a medium build.  The weight came gradually - those 10-15 pounds when we first got married and I was cooking on my own for the first time, the pregnancy weight that I never totally lost after each baby was born/weaned, the stay-at-home mom job that left me around food 24 hours a day.  I didn't cram cake into my mouth at every opportunity or eat fast food every day.  It was slow and methodical and often crept up on me.  I'd get out my clothes from the previous winter and realize I needed to go up another size, but that was OK. Just another opportunity to shop!  I still felt beautiful at times during those years....wearing a new outfit, or if I found a flattering picture (which was rare, I avoided pictures at all costs), or when my hair was longer and curlier.  What I can't remember is having much joy, much love, or much contentment.  I remember looking at pictures and cringing inside.  What I saw in the mirror was not what other people were seeing.  I was seeing some skewed version of myself where I looked healthy and happy...until I saw the reality in pictures and realized that how I viewed myself was false.  And that just added to the negativity and the coping mechanism - shopping.  I was also far from God at this time, at least internally.  Outwardly, everything was great. We were involved in church, active in working with the youth group, raising 2 adorable children in a cute little house with 2 new cars in the driveway.  Inwardly, I was just apathetic for the most part.

For no reason, other than a whim and because the government sent us some sort of rebate check and we had some free cash, I joined a gym and hired a personal trainer for 5 weeks.  My husband told me later he thought I'd never go, much less stick it out.  That's how non-commital I was about anything involving sweat or long-term weight loss. He'd lived through my attempts at "reform" before.  For some reason, my resolve was different this time.  I started to lose weight, got into a gym routine and never looked back.  In 9 months, I dropped about 50 pounds.  I was at the gym every weekday unless it was a major holiday....at 4:30am for 1.5 hours or more.  Once I met my weight loss goals, I kept going to the gym. Trained for and ran a 5K, was able to best some of the men at the gym on the machines, developed friendships through classes and working out routinely, had shoulder muscles I was quite proud of, a stomach that was flat and calves that were rock hard.  I did this for 3.5 years....and the weight stayed off (for the most part).  But what I noticed through all of that was that as fit as I was out the outside, the internal war with my mind was still the same.  There were still fat days, still days when I felt ugly and my thoughts were always centered on food and how hard I'd have to work at the gym to maintain my weight while still being able to eat what I wanted.  And something else never changed - that coping mechanism of shopping and outfitting myself in something new so as to make those negative thoughts disappear for a while.  After all, I'd lost 50 pounds and now needed an entire new wardrobe.

At the end of my almost-4-year stint at the gym, I was left with 50 pounds lost (and 15 regained), almost as much negative body-image as before with a dose of pride thrown in over how much better I looked than "those" people, spiritual apathy, and thousands of dollars of credit card debt from my spending sprees.  My husband finally made the decision to cancel all of our credit cards and we entered a debt-management program (to my shame, the vast majority of the debt was my own...he didn't even know about some of the cards/balances).  I was burnt out at the gym, tired of going to bed at 9pm and getting up at 4am, baking up a storm in the kitchen and eating all the goodies myself.  Something was wrong.  I quit going to the gym a year ago in September.  I put on 15 pounds last fall and had to buy bigger pants when I swore I never would again.  I couldn't shop very much because we now had to save cash for all purchases which is extremely hard for me.  But all of this came with a bright side - God was reawakening my heart.  I had a desire to read his Word for the first time in literally years, He was teaching me about His love and how far-reaching it really is, He was showing me that my feelings of beauty and femininity need to be satisfied in Him (not my husband and not my closet), He was giving me a small group at church where I could air all my issues without feeling judged.  These were things I needed far more right then than my gym routines, my holiday baking or new clothes.  By the end of the year, I felt a new focus physically, mentally and emotionally.  We went to the mountains with friends for the New Years weekend and I can remember sitting on the swing, wrapped in a quilt, in the early morning hours with  my coffee overlooking a river and thanking God for what He was going to do in my life and in our family during this year of 2012.
 
I'd love to say that my personal fitness and femininity journey has been smooth sailing since then.  But I doubt I'll ever be able to say that on this side of Heaven.  I still have ugly thoughts about myself and my body.  I still have days where I curse my skin and body shape and wish for something different. I still struggle (oh, so often) with shopping and overspending as a way to compensate for these things.  But honestly, I'd rather struggle and have that struggle push me toward God and his love than be the apathetic person I was before.  There is joy and victory in the struggle, and a haven to be found in God when I can find nothing lovable or good about myself.  I've proven repeatedly that my contentment and feelings of worth cannot be found within myself because, regardless of my weight, the struggle is still there.  I'm learning that as much as I desire for my husband to tell me I'm beautiful and skinny and desired, it's not his job to affirm my worth and it's selfish of me to expect that from him constantly.  My self worth, self esteem and negative body image need to be laid at God's feet....so then He can pick me up and tell me - yet again - how much He loves and value me.  That kind of peace and joy and contentment, that spirit of femininity, can only be found in Him - not in what I weigh, how defined my muscles are, or what new clothes I've found to wear.

I want to encourage you to take a look at what you tell yourself about your body, your weight and your physical fitness level - and then give those negative thoughts (whether they come often or rarely) to God and rest in His overwhelming love.  True femininity is found in the contentment that only He can provide.

**I am no expert on weight loss or physical fitness and can only give insight into what has worked for me over the years.  I can honestly say that I am at the most balanced point in my life as far as my attitude toward food and get asked sometimes what plan I'm following or how I've kept the weight off for almost 5 years. I'll do my best to address this later this week and provide a few tips for long-term weight loss and maintenance.**