Preparing a Fall/Winter Wardrobe - Shop!!

Ok, so we've made lots of lists, spent hours trying on clothes and even more time devoted to thinking through our needs and wants.  Sounds like a lot of wasted time, right?  I know it may seem that way to some, but trust me...it helps to shop with a plan. Otherwise, you'll end up spending too much money and acquiring too much stuff.  What you choose to put on your body says something to the world. Fashion may be nowhere near the top of your priority list, but at the same time it deserves a place somewhere on your list.  This requires some thought!  Let's take a quick look today at the final two steps in my prep for fall/winter plan.

Final 2 steps:

5. Find pieces that meet my criteria (impeccable fit, quality and timelessness) and if the price is out of my budget range, make a note to continue to look for it on sale.

6. Have fun with fun money, but stick to necessary items and not "closet orphans."

 

This is the fun part of planning a wardrobe!  After figuring out what you need to buy, as well as your budget for buying, then you need to start shopping fot those items. Whether in a local store, a thrift shop or online - get busy looking for things.  Getting an item that fits well and is of quality workmanship takes time and also requires some effort. Very rarely do you just walk into a store, spot a pair of jeans on the rack in your specific color/size/length/rise and have them fit perfectly - all for an awesome price.  Most of the time, finding an item requires trying on multiple sizes and pairs, comparing various colors to see what works best with pieces you already have and then - maybe - having to wait for your item to go on sale.  There is nothing wrong with window-shopping at full price and then waiting for an item to go on sale.  You will already be assured that it fits and is just the item you want.  Yes, it's a bit risky. What if your size is gone by the time it goes on sale? If it's worth full price to you, and your budget allows, then buy at full price.  For me, I can't stand to pay full price.  If I can't get it on sale, or use a coupon for it, 99% of the time I won't buy it.  But then again, I don't have a big clothing budget so I have to get the most bang for my buck.  Finally, don't settle for things just because they're cheap!!  If you don't need it and love it, you're just wasting money that could be put to better use elsewhere.

 

Sometimes, we come into some money as a gift or from unexpected places.  If you want to put that fun money into your wardrobe, then maybe use the unbudgeted funds to purchase something off your "want" list.  Something you don't necessarily need but it might be fun to have.  Be very careful, though, to avoid the "closet orphan."  These are items that you buy because they're pretty, or because they're cheap, or because you fall in love with it - but you have nothing else to wear with it.  Think before you purchase!  If you can't pair that new "gotta-have-it" item with other items in your closet to make up 2, preferably 3, outfits then you should probably pass it by.  Every now and then you may want to purchase a "closet orphan" and are willing to invest the money into finding pieces to work with it, but if you're on a tight budget or you already have a bazillion items of clothing - a "closet orphan" is just going to sit there unused.  Right now, I have several items on my "needs" list that I have to buy in order to wear some "orphans" in my closet. Those items will sit unworn until I can find the completer pieces...which means part of my wardrobe is no longer working for me, but I am now working for it.

 

So, how did you do? Have you started working on your lists or actually shopping yet?  I can proudly say that I have knocked 2 things off my "needs" list already.  I've replaced my jeans to wear with flats (thanks Ebay) and found crisp black cotton ankle pants to replace my gross polyester "saggy butt" capris (thanks J Crew sale).  Both items were under $25 and should last me for years.  I also figured I might as well try to salvage my favorite pair of jeans that were ragged on the hem....and so I turned the hem up and hand-sewed it in place. It's not professional, but I should get another year's worth of wear out of them at least.  I also have my eye on several other items on my needs list and as the budget allows (and I find coupons), I'll be adding those to my wardrobe as well.  But I have to be honest...in the midst of shopping for my necessary items, I'm having a hard time passing by all the other good deals out there.  Oh, to be a millionaire....

 

If there's one thing I'd like to convey by sharing all this closet strategy with you, it's to think before you buy.  I am well aware that some people don't give a flip about shopping and this seems like an inordinate amount of work for "just clothing our bodies".  But anyone can think before they buy....even if your idea of shopping is running in and grabbing the first thing you see.  If you take even just a minute to think through a purchase, often you'll make a much more wise decision with your money and clothing choices.  Sometimes, it's hard to take the time to think - we want it SO badly.  That's the time to leave the store or shut down the laptop screen.  Then you can think objectively.

 

Later this week or early next week, at a reader's request, I'm going to do a post on successful Ebay/online shopping strategies.  It'll take me a while to put my thoughts together, but it should be a fun post!

Preparing a Fall/Winter Wardrobe - Develop a Budget and a Plan

Not all of us are able to buy a new wardrobe for every season.  Let's be honest - very few women are able to do that!  At best, we can hope to embrace a new trend or two and also add a few solid, functional pieces to our wardrobes.  At worst, we can rush out to each and every sale (oh, the Black Friday to New Years sale season!) and buy all kinds of cheap pieces that may or may not work with what we currently have.  Today I want to look briefly at Step 4 in my plan to prepare your fall/winter wardrobe:

Decide on a budget and/or shopping strategy to fill these holes in your wardrobe.

Remember that list of "needs" and "wants" you  wrote down after thinking about your current wardrobe?  Well, now is the time to decide how much you will choose to spend filling out those wardrobe needs and laying out a strategy to shop for them.  I'm not saying you have to have a Hannibal-ala-The A Team-type plan.  Follow my thinking for a bit!

You need to take a realistic view of your clothing budget.  This will vary widely by your household income, how much you enjoy shopping, whether or not you thrift vs. retail shopping and many other factors.  I know some people don't have a budget. They just find it and buy it.  However, for those of us trying to save money for retirement, pay off our mortgage and save for a better car (and who enjoy shopping a heck of a lot)....a budget is kind of a necessity!  Especially when you factor in the fact that your husband might need new clothes, your kids will definitely need new clothes due to growth and unexpected things crop up to impinge on your normal household budget.  Decide how much you can reasonably spend on updating your wardrobe.  Keep that figure in the back of your mind when shopping and/or planning future purchases.  Some people like to use a cash system where you are allotted so much money per pay period or per month and you only shop with that amount of cash.  Find a system that works best for you and then stick to it!  It will force you to reevaluate your purchases.  When you see a pair of khaki capris on sale for $10 in your size it will force you to think.  Do I want to spend $10 of my budget amount on this pair of capris?  Wait a minute....I already have a pair of khaki capris on my inventory list!  Do I want to use $10 that could go toward something else that I need to just add another pair of khaki capris to my wardrobe?  Thinking through the process helps!  Otherwise, here's our (my) reasoning.  Wow, khaki capris in my size for $10...what a deal (throws them in the shopping cart).  Upon getting home you realize you already had a pair, but those are older and these are newer!  Three days later that navy cardigan that you absolutely needed goes on sale but you no longer have enough money this month to purchase it.  So, ultimately, you got a great deal on a duplicate clothing item which resulted in not having enough money to purchase something you actually needed.  I speak only from personal experience!  Guard your budget closely and only use it on things you have listed in your need column. Make sure that what you buy fits you perfectly so that you know you made the best decision to spend your limited funds.

Now, for the strategy part.  Let's take a look at my list of needs again, shall we?

There are things on my "needs" list that are more important than others.  I may need a LBD (little black dress), but not necessarily right away.  What I need right away is a replacement pair of jeans for flats because they are my standard weekend wear.  I need new navy and black cardigans because I wear them constantly in cooler weather.  These would go at the very top of my shopping list.  I also need a few sweaters to complete outfits, and I can't wear those outfits (clothing orphans) until I make those purchases, but I don't have to have those outfits put together right now. The cardigans and jeans are still more important.  See....strategy!  It's simple.  Figure out what items in your needs list are of utmost importance and put those at the top of your list. Then actively shop for those ASAP using your budget as a guideline.  You may not be able to purchase all at one time. Maybe you can choose one item a month to purchase, but get busy filling out those "must have" holes in your wardrobe and then work your way down the list of importance.  That's not to say that if I spotted just the right sweater on Ebay for a great price I wouldn't buy it before I found my jeans....but at the same time, my priority in shopping should be those items at the top of my list.  Retailers already have their fall/winter merchandise on the sales floor so there's no excuse not to start right now if you have a budget in place.

Budget and strategize!  Clothing your body is more than just buying and throwing on any old thing that goes together.  Make the most of the money and wardrobe you have...whether that is $20 or $200 a month.  Tomorrow, we'll finish up this series by covering the last 2 steps.  Stay tuned....

Preparing a Fall/Winter Wardrobe - Make another list!

Last week, we discussed the first few steps of preparing your wardrobe for the fall/winter months.  List what you have and then try it all on to determine what to keep, alter or donate.  Today we'll be looking at

Step #3: 

Make a list of all items needed to fill out your closet or replace previous pieces

that no longer fit or are too worn.

I know listmaking is not for everyone, but honestly, it really does help you take an objective look at what you have.  Hopefully, as you tried on your fall/winter clothing in the previous step you made Notes in the column on your list for that purpose.  Now you need to curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee/tea and your list and do some serious thinking.  Maybe after compiling your list and trying on your clothing, you realized that you have 20 pairs of jeans.  You could therefore reasonably assume that you do not need any jeans for the upcoming season!  You might notice that you have 15 sweaters and 7 of them are black.  You could therefore reasonably assume that you do not need to buy a black sweater!  If you noticed items that you wear regularly that were worn or no longer functional, make a note to look for a replacement.  I would advise you to make a list of "Needs" and "Wants".  A need would be a pair of jeans in a dark wash to replace the ones you currently have with a ragged hem.  A want would be a pair of highlighter yellow skinny jeans to embrace the colored denim trend.  One is a staple in your wardrobe and the other is just a trendy piece that you'll probably no longer wear in a year.

It's hard sometimes to look objectively at your wardrobe needs when the retailers are offering huge discounts, the consignment store has a 50% off sale, or you spot a new "have to have" pair of shoes. However, the plain fact is that after a while you amass such a great amount of clothing that you have trouble deciding what to wear because there are too many choices....and oftentimes you feel guilty about wearing one thing to death while other pieces that you "loved at purchase" languish in your closet never seeing the light of day. Honestly (and I've been there), it's a bit embarrassing to come to the end of a clothing season and realize you have things hanging in your closet unworn...and often with the tags still attached.  Ladies, who thrift..keep this thought in mind.  Another of any item is just another! You may only pay $2 for that sweater at Goodwill, but too many $2 sweaters down the road and you've amassed quite a collection of cheap sweaters you will never have enough time to wear. No one needs multiples nor do you need 50 of anything; whether it be shirts, pants, or sweaters.  This is where your mind comes in!  Try to separate what you honestly need from things that would be fun to have.  As you contemplate, make a list and then put it in your purse, IPad or Smartphone.  You need to have this when the siren-call of the great sale beckons!

Here's a glance at my Needs vs. Wants list that I jotted down after perusing my spreadsheet.  If you'll notice, a good portion of the "Needs" items are replacements for things that I had to get rid of due to fit or wear.

Just a few notes on my list:

LBD means "little black dress".  Everyone woman should have one. They can be worn to weddings, funerals, parties, special events, etc. I had one that was looking pretty bad and never fit particularly well...so I donated it and am on the lookout for another one.  A few sweaters are needed to actually complete an outfit. I have some closet "orphans".  These are items purchased for great deals or because I loved them....but I have absolutely nothing to wear with them.  Most closet orphans I've gotten rid of, but a few special pieces deserve to be kept/worn, so I'm hunting for sweaters/blouses to make the outfit complete. Beware the great deal that leaves you with a closet orphan. It's not a great deal when you have to buy 3 other pieces to even be able to wear the orphan!  Notice all the replacements? These were pulled directly from my inventory list.  The holey sweaters have been thrown away and I need replacements for those ASAP.  I'm still on the lookout for other items.  Most of these replacements are workhorse items in my winter wardrobe and they should be first on my shopping list. 

The Wants on my list are things I've noticed in catalogs that I'd like to have if they should go on deep sale.  Most are duplicates or trendy items that I'd like to try.  I already own a tweed blazer, but it's funcational brown. I'd love to add one with a pop of color.  I already own a printed button up, but it'd be nice to have one in fall colors. These are items that are not needed, but would just be fun to have if I ran across a good deal.  I will not actively shop for these items because they're not needed. 

So, realistically, after analyzing my list above, I can see that I'm not really in need of a ton of things for fall/winter.  The things I do need I can actively browse for in stores, magazines, online and on Ebay.  Tomorrow we'll look at budgeting and how to about filling out these wardrobe holes.

Preparing a Fall/Winter Wardrobe - Try it on!

 

Yesterday, we discussed going through all of your cool weather clothing and entering it in some type of list..  Today I want to move on to the next step in the process.  If you have tons of time on your hands, these first 2 steps can be done together, but for some of us with children, it's hard to find the time between calls of "Moooommmmmm" to dig through your winter gear and write it down, much less try it on. 

 

Nevertheless, let's move on to Step 2:

Try on all of your cooler weather clothing

Doesn't sound hard, does it?  At least not until you look at the piles of clothes littering your bed.  Anyway, find some spare time and get busy!  Maybe only do dresses during one session and then move on to pants the next day. Just make the time to try your stuff on.  You will come to a few conclusions:

1.  "I no longer care for this item of clothing."  Another way to put it would be "What the heck was I thinking when I bought this?"  Maybe you bought it because it was so cheap. Maybe you bought it because you saw the trend in a magazine and wanted to join the fashion masses.   These are items you need to put in a donation bag immediately.

2.  "This no longer fits me the way it used to."   Weight fluctuations and body composition changes are just a part of life.  If the item means a lot to you and you can't bear to part with it, then put it in a pile marked "Alterations."  If the item is disposable (meaning you don't mind replacing it with something that fits better), then put it in the donation bag.  There is no reason to hang onto clothing for years and years that you can no longer wear.  If you are 100% positive that you will lose those 30 pounds and fit back into your pre-pregnancy jeans, then keep your favorite pair and donate the rest.  What you'll find is that if/when you do lose those 30 pounds, you'd rather have a newer more stylish pair of jeans.  Do not buy or keep items in your closet that are not in your current size.  It's a waste of space and if you're like most people, it's discouraging to look in your closet and see so many things that used to fit and now no longer do.

3.  "This is no longer functional."  Clothing develops holes, buttons fall off, pant hems get ragged.  These are natural results of wearing and enjoying your clothing.  Put these items in a pile labeled Repair/Replace.  Then decide if it's worth the time and money to make the repair (anyone can sew on a button) or replace (a cardigan with a rip in the sleeve needs to be thrown out; Goodwill will not accept damaged clothing).

4.  "I wore this when____________.  How could I ever part with it?"  Sometimes memories get tied to an item of clothing.  The dress you were wearing when your husband proposed might mean a great deal to you and bring back fond memories of that special night when he popped the question. However, you've had 3 children since then and are no longer a size 2.  It's time to decide if the sentimentality associated with the dress is worth giving it a spot in your closet.  For items like this, it's helpful sometimes to see if you have a picture where you're wearing the item.  Keep the picture in a special place and donate the clothing.  You can look at the picture and remember that special time without cluttering up your closet with sentimental pieces of clothing. 

5.  "This looks awesome! I'm so glad I bought it and can't wait to wear it!"  For items that make you feel great, that fit right and are in good repair....give a big cheer and hang it up in your closet. 

By weeding through all the stuff that doesn't fit, needs to be repaired or you no longer like you can seriously cull your closet to really workable items.  I did a major purge last fall and was surprised at the 2 garbage bags of stuff I pulled out to donate again this year.  In the "notes" column on your spreadsheet you worked on yesterday, make a note if anything needs to be repaired, altered or replaced.  Cross out all items that you threw away or donated.  You should be left with a much more workable amount of clothing.

Here's another snapshot of my spreadsheet with some notes typed in for my own reference:

These are my pants...as you see I don't own many.  My very favorite wool pants are now too big due to weight loss.  I've noted that they need to be altered. The cost of alteration will not be cheap so I'm thinking about replacing them.  My polyester capris bought for $5 last fall because I was leaving on a trip and HAD to have black capris are gross and need to be replaced with a pair made from quality breathable material.  Then I have 2 pairs of jeans that are ratty on the hem and are now relegated to around-the-house wear or farm trips. 

Shopping tip for replacement items - If you have an item that you absolutely love (see camel pants in spreadsheet above) but are no longer sold in stores (my pants were manufactured at least 4 years ago), you can usually find a replacement on Ebay.  If you're looking to replace a navy cardigan - well, those can be found anywhere for a good price and made from quality material.  But if you're looking for the exact pair of wide-leg, cuffed, lined wool twill trousers that fit like a dream and were only made by one retailer, then your best bet is Ebay.  My camel pants originally sold for $158, I believe, and I got them for around $15 last year on Ebay.  I'm hoping to find a replacement pair in a smaller size this year for about the same price.  It's way cheaper to find a replacement pair on Ebay than to have my current pair tailored to fit again.

Next week, we'll look at Step 3 in our Fall/Winter prep - Make a list of all items needed to fill out my closet or replace previous pieces that no longer fit or are too worn.

Preparing a Fall/Winter Wardrobe - Make a List

Yesterday I laid out my goals for my fall/winter closet preparations.  Once I'd put it out there for the blogging world to see, I felt rather motivated to get moving with this little project...much to the chagrin of my husband who sighed and said "Great! Now you'll be forced to be busier."  Oh well, hopefully it won't take me too long to finish the first few steps!

As a reminder, here is Step 1: 

List all of my cooler weather clothing, as well as items that can carry over from summer, in a spreadsheet.

Personally,  I love Microsoft Excel and use spreadsheets, both at work and at home, to make my life easier.  A written list works fine, too.  In fact, I tried that first. But after writing all over the margins and any available space - and then not being able to read what I scribbled earlier - I resorted to the spreadsheet.  I created 3 columns with a title at the top of each column.  My columns were "Item", "Color" and "Notes".  I went through my fall/winter clothing which is usually stored upstairs during the warmer months and listed everything single thing I owned for cool weather...including stuff worn during the summer that could do double-duty (T-shirts, darker colored skirts, jeans, etc).

Keep similar items together.  Dresses all in one place, then skirts, then pants.  I listed mine by designer just because I can tell you pretty much what designer/store sold every item in my closet.  However, you choose to do it is fine.  Then in the next column, I typed the main color of each item.  This helps me narrow down what colors I have a lot of (black) and what colors I might want to infuse into my wardrobe in the future (love green, but strangely have very little green in my closet).  What's handy about that is that when I'm developing my list of needs/wants down the road, it's easy to look at my list and see that I have not one, but 3 gray sweaters, and I need to look at other colors....even when the gray sweater I'm looking at is on sale for $3!  Finally, I used the "Notes" column to jot down things like "fits too big" or "needs to be replaced".  You don't necessarily have to use that column during this stage, but you'll need it for later.

And in the interest of being helpful, here's a screenshot of my spreadsheet. I don't claim to be an Excel guru and this is an extremely basic spreadsheet, but you'll get the drift of what I did:

I have a medium-sized wardrobe after having culled mercilessly (or what I thought was mercilessly) last fall.  This entire process of listing and typing took me about one hour.  It's not a huge investment of time, but is extremely helpful both now as I develop my list of needs/wants for the fall, but also for later.  I will carry this spreadsheet in my purse (if you have a SmartPhone, you could store it there) and use it for all future shopping trips.  That way, when the sale racks are calling my name, I can look for specific pieces that I actually need and not get caught up in what I like to call a "sale fever".

Tomorrow, we'll look at Step 2:  Try on all of my cooler weather clothing....Stay tuned.....

Preparing your closet for fall/winter

Even though temps are still in the upper 80's here in GA and the official end of summer (Labor Day) is still weeks away, retailers are already stocking their stores with fall and winter merchandise.  For those of us in warmer parts of the States, it seems silly to be contemplating wool skirts and boots when all we can tolerate on our bodies is cotton skirts and tank tops.  However, right now is the time to give serious thought to the upcoming cooler season.  Over the next week or so, I plan to do a series of posts that follows my journey through my own closet and my preparations for the upcoming fall/winter season.

You may be thinking "But wait....if the weather doesn't cool off until November, that gives me plenty of time to plan and then buy things on sale."  These were my same thoughts from previous years. However, this year I'm trying to make a change that will better benefit my sense of style, my closet, and my wallet. 

Here are my goals:

1.  List all of my cooler weather clothing, as well as items that can carry over from summer, in a spreadsheet.

2.  Try on all of my cooler weather clothing to determine what fits (I've lost some weight since last year), what needs to be altered and what I no longer desire to wear.  Then actually get the clothing altered to fit or actually donate it. No more procratinating and hoarding things in random piles!

3.  Make a list of all items needed to fill out my closet or replace previous pieces that no longer fit or are too worn.

4.  Decide on a budget and/or shopping strategy to fill these holes in my wardrobe.

5.  Find pieces that meet my criteria (impeccable fit, quality and timelessness) and if the price is out of my budget range, make a note to continue to look for it on sale.

6.  Have fun with fun money, but stick to necessary items and not "closet orphans."

I'm working on my spreadsheet now and will be posting later this week on Step 1 of my fall/winter closet overhaul.  Maybe you can consider working through your closet along with me!

To everything there is a season.....

Remember that Bible verse from Ecclesiastes? Or maybe you remember the song with these lyrics sung by the Byrds?  "To every season (turn, turn, turn)....."  In my quest for femininity, I have taken a decided step off the path, if you will.  Last night, my husband bought me a Jeep.  Not a soft, cushy Grand Cherokee with plush interior.  No, he bought me a 17-year-old Jeep Wrangler.  The kind where the top/doors come off and you cruise around town on big tires with your music blaring.  This is a decidely unfeminine vehicle. There are no soft curves, no soft seats, and definitely no soft rides.  It's square, loud, bouncy, rattly....and fun as all "get out" (an old southern term meaning "as much fun as you can have").  The thing is, he bought the Jeep at my request.

I've thought several times over the course of our search/buy process about why I want such an atypical-for-me vehicle.  I wear dresses 75% of the time.  I don't own a ballcap to keep my hair in order.  Everyone would agree that I'm more the sporty little coupe type woman than the off-road 4x4 type.  Will I lose all sense of feminity while cruising around town every day in my Jeep?  Can a woman who enjoys hunting be feminine while wearing camoflauge and toting a shotgun?  Can a woman be feminine while playing flag football in a church league?  Can a woman exhibit femininity while doing any number of "masculine" pursuits?  Since femininity starts in the heart and flows outward, I would argue that you can.  That doesn't mean you have to own a pink shotgun in order to still be considered feminine.  Nor does it mean you have to prance around while playing competitive sports afraid to get dirty or sweaty or mess up your perfectly coordinated uniform.  We are told in Scripture to do what we do to the best of our ability and to the glory of God.  That doesn't just mean quiet "womanly" things.  We can still maintain an attitude of feminity while pursuing these less than dainty activities.  It's just harder sometimes.  If you've ever played against me in competitive sports; well, let's just say that the "meek and quiet" spirit I strive to cultivate tends to go right out the window in favor of screaming, grunting and physicality!  My competitive nature often overrides my quest for Godly femininity and is an area that needs work.

So, what conclusions have I reached in my ponderings?  Well, I will still continue to wear dresses because I like them and they suit me.  I don't have to fit the mold of the 4x4-Jeep-driving-redneck.  I wanted a vehicle that was unique, something fun and adventurous, something in which the kids would also enjoy riding.  You could say I'm ready to add a little adventurous femininity to my external persona.  There is a time for me to be the perfectly groomed woman in a pencil skirt, pumps and makeup and there's also a time for me to let my hair down and have fun. So, if you're ever in middle Georgia and see a woman with extremely short hair (see, short hair is good for something), in a dress and large bug-eye sunglasses, riding around with the top down....that would be me.  Give me a wave and I'll be sure to give you a nice feminine beauty-queen wave right back!

Do you engage in activities or "adventures" that people would call unfeminine? How do you maintain your sense of being a feminine woman while engaging in those pursuits?

**The Jeep in the above picture is not mine and I certainly will not be taking it into 4-feet mud baths.  Just in case you were wondering....**

Further thoughts on style and age-appropriate fashion

I had a comment on a previous post which basically asked how to achieve balance and age appropriateness in our clothing choices throughout our lives.  I've tried to sit down and delve into my thoughts on the matter so as to provide a few more tips in this direction.

Although we may think about and define our own personal style, the fashion choices we make tend to change over time due to our own aging, trends and lifestyle.  Think back to your early 20's and remember the tighter fitting more "curve conscious" clothing and the trendy items you wore (back before you had kids and your body was bit more firm).  Then as married life settles in and kids join the family, we tend to go the "mom" route with our clothing choices.  Maybe when the kids are in school, you join the workforce and then must form a professional wardrobe.  And as we age in our late 40's and 50's, we might start seeking more comfortable, looser type clothing.  Our clothing choices may be defined by our weight (trying to show off a trim body or trying to hide an overweight one), the ease with which we can move about while chasing toddlers or breastfeeding infants, or any number of factors. So I do realize what we choose to put on our body can change over time. However, I think that personal style can still be defined within those varied clothing choices/stages.  While I was a stay-at-home mom my personal preppy and tailored style was still evident.  I didn't wear yoga pants and hoodies all day; but instead you could find me in jeans, a button up and cute tennies or flats.  When I was in college, I gravitated toward structured blazers, preppy colors and high heels just as I do today.  Although I wouldn't wear those same styles today as they're outdated, the structure of the pieces remained the same.   And so, that's why I suggest finding your own personal style and then tailoring your clothing choices through the various stages and trends of your life to still fit within that personal style.

It's easier to balance your age/lifestyle/trends with your personal style by knowing where to shop.  Did you know that stores are geared toward certain ages and body types?  American Eagle Outfitters sells clothing designed and marketed for the 16-26 year-old.   Talbots has beautiful, well made clothing that they design and sell for more mature women.   Coldwater Creek - the much-mocked (by the younger set) store for the older more comfortably dressed woman.  I love J Crew - their designs and marketing skew very much toward the late 20's to early 40's woman.  A pair of jeans from American Eagle will generally be cut for a smaller, less curvy figure and will have a very low rise.  You'd be hard pressed to find a pair of low rise jeans in a Talbots store.  Shirts from American Eagle will be extremely slim-fitting with tiny shoulders and sleeves.  Shirts from Coldwater Creek will fit generously, especially through the middle.  You need to find a retailer that generally fits you well, prices things within your budget (at full price or on sale) and has designs that appeal to your sense of style.  No, you won't wear everything they have, nor will everything they design fit you.  And there are exceptions to every rule. However, you should have enough knowledge about where you shop to know how that brand's clothing fits.  When you go to the mall, you don't have to wander aimlessly around wondering which store to frequent and what styles will fit best.  Although you can certainly find something to wear in any store, it helps to be more discriminating in your store/fit choices.

I encourage you to find 3-4 stores that you absolutely love - their designs, their colors, their fit, their style.  You'll need to frequent these stores and actually try things on.  You need to know what size you are....not just in one brand but in several brands.  This comes in very handy for retail shoppers as well as thrifters or consignment shoppers.  Don't just assume what size you are!  Take 2-3 different sizes into a fitting room and try them all on.  You might be surprised to find that you wear a difference size than you originally thought.  Once you find a store or two that suits your style preference, use those as your go-to stores for shopping purposes.  If you thrift, you can look for those brands, or styles similar to those brands, while perusing the racks.  I would caution thrift shoppers not to get so caught up in the good deals to be found, that you neglect proper fit or the garment's quality. It does no good to find a good deal that won't hold up to washing or doesn't fit right.  Also, don't assume you can't shop retail because prices are too high.  With the extremely rare exception where I have money given to me for a specific purpose, I never buy clothing or shoes at full price.  I don't even shop the full price side of the store. It's clearance/sale rack for me!  Just because a beautiful silk dress is $150 at J. Crew now doesn't mean it won't be marked down to $49.99 with an addition 30-40% off in a few months time.  Be patient and sometimes it pays off.  One more tip along these lines, Ebay is a goldmine for finding things from retailers that you know fit your personal style.  I know what sizes to buy in almost any item of clothing sold from my favorite stores, so I regularly shop Ebay for cheaper deals or items from previous seasons that I missed in the stores.  Most sellers provide measurements for their garments and if they don't, you can certainly ask them.  A good 1/3 of my closet comes from Ebay.  I don't care for thrifting, but I can Ebay like nobody's business :-)  Long story short, find some stores that you love (even if you can't afford their regularly priced items) and then shop their sales, look for them second-hand or find knockoffs if you'd rather from cheaper sources.

Another thing to consider is that our age and the way we look are relative.  I am 36 years old, but am often told that I look younger.  A fit and trim 50-year-old woman looks vastly different from a haggard and obese 50-year-old woman.  How you appear on the outside affects, somewhat, what you can wear appropriately.  We usually associate growing older with putting on more clothing.  You don't see too many 60-year-old women sporting tank tops in public; however, they're a summer staple for the 20's crowd.  Take a good hard look in the mirror and then assess your wardrobe accordingly.  I would caution you, though, that there are telltake signs of aging that are hard to hide.  A woman's body may bit fit and trim, but it's hard to miss the crow's feet around the eyes, or the starting-to-wrinkle decolletege.  Be honest with yourself and your body.  There comes a time when tank tops are no longer appropriate; a women's upper body starts to sag and look wrinkly if she's seen any sunbathing time.  There is a time when shorter skirts are no longer appropriate....and by shorter I'm not talking mini skirts.   Look around you at some classy older women.  They may be wearing pencil skirts, but they are no longer the slightly above the knee skirts; but are usually to the bottom of the knee.  Knees become less attractive the older we get.  Be honest with yourself and your age.  Yes, we may look younger and it's nice to be told so; but when you're walking around with a teenage daughter, people are usually well aware that you're no longer in your 20's.  All of us interested in feminine and appropriate dress will "age out" of certain trends and types of clothing eventually.  Enjoy the years where you can wear those trends, and then gradually retire them for more classy and age-appropriate pieces.

Finally, just because you have a defined sense of personal style, doesn't mean you can't dress outside that style anytime you want.  Part of the fun of fashion is being able to change up your look at the drop of a hat.  You can be perceived differently just by what you're wearing.  Enjoy taking fashion risks, if you can handle the possibility of people staring or not understanding the statement you're making!  Fashion is supposed to be enjoyable.  Just because you're a bohemian-type dresser by nature, doesn't mean you can't wear the occasional blazer over your ruffly blouse.  Try some trendy shoes.  Buy a neon belt and add it to your all-black ensemble.  Instead of buying a traditional camel-colored trench coat, buy a red one.  There's nothing wrong with stepping outside your comfort zone and playing around a bit.  Just don't invest a ton of money in those "play" items.  You can get a very wearable trench coat at Old Navy or Forever 21 in a fun color for about $20 - you can wear it for a season, tire of it, and donate it to Goodwill the next year. However, that camel-colored trench coat you bought at Banana Republic will last you 10 years and is well worth the $100 sale price tag.  Be adventurous and don't be afraid to try new things; just set limits for yourself if necessary.  I refuse to wear a skirt above a certain length due to my age and the shape of my legs; it doesn't look attractive nor is it appropriate for my nearing-40 self. 

Most of all, remember that if you have any doubts when you look in the mirror, take it off.  If you have to wonder if the neckline is too low, the shirt too tight, the shoes too high for comfortable wear - don't wear it.  You'll end up looking ill-at-ease in your own clothing the entire time you're wearing it.  Tugging on your skirts, pulling up your blouse, limping along in your heels - it all draws attention to your fashion mistakes.  You'll second guess your own choices and also wonder what everyone else is thinking the entire time.  If you have doubts about how age appropriate something is, then just don't wear it or ask for someone you trust to give you an honest opinion and then re-evaluate. But if you still feel uncomfortable, just take it off.  There's a difference between taking a fashion risk and wondering how it will be received and being uncomfortable in your own clothing all throughout the day.   Be confident in what you've chosen to put on your body knowing you've made the best decision you can based on your own style, budget and age.

And just for fun....Heather's list of "No-No's" for the over-35-year-olds:

1.  Mini skirts

2.  Extremely low rise jeans/pants

3.  Short shorts (3" inseam or less)

4.  Shoes with huge platforms

5.  Strapless dresses without a sweater or other covering

6.  Babydoll dresses

Feel free to agree or disagree with my choices in the Comments below!

How many pairs of shoes does a woman really need?

Ah, shoes....how I love them!  My husband doesn't understand my love of shoes or how I consider them a form of art.  Nothing expresses quite how I'm feeling at any given time like the shoes I put on my feet.  Some women collect shoes and others only own a few pair.  For those collectors among us (my hand is waving at you from my large closet filled with shoe boxes), it's hard to imagine only having 5 pairs of shoes and wearing those same pair all the time.  For the more simplistic among us, owning more than 5 pairs of shoes seems a terrible waste of money and limited closet space.  You must follow your own inclinations and budget (amid possible husband eye-rolling) as to how many pairs of shoes you choose to own; however I believe there are certain shoes that every woman should have in her closet.  My list is by no means exhaustive, but I think it'll carry most women through each season in relative style.

For fall/winter, a woman should have a nice pair of black shoes.  These could be worn with jeans as well as dresses.  For the heel-inclined among us, a classic pair of black pumps is perfect.  I'm not talking about the high platform heels that you can't wobble around in for more than a few hours. I'm talking about a classic 3-inch pair of plain or patent black heels that you could wear all day comfortably.  If you can't or won't wear heels, then a nice pair of black flats that go with anything.  You can change up the color, if need be, if your wardrobe skews mostly brown or navy.  But black shoes can be worn with any shade of gray, black, white and if you wear animal prints, you can even wear your black shoes with brown (just wear a brown leopard print belt to pull the 2 colors together).  For fall/winter, I also think you should invest in a nice pair of boots.  For ladies who live up North, they may be a necessity and for those of us in the South, they're more of a fashion statement.  Still, there's nothing better when the weather is cold and rainy, snowy or miserable than a pair of boots.  Nice boots are typically an investment piece and real leather boots will run you at least $100 on sale.  Save up and buy a pair in classic black or cognac brown that can be worn year after year.  For those ladies who think they can't wear boots because their calves won't fit (again, I'm waving over here), you can buy Extended Calf boots but they are usually more expensive and harder to find; still for an investment piece it's worth the time and money to find a pair.

For spring/summer, if you're limited in what you want or can afford, buy a pair of nude shoes.  Whether wedges, pumps, flats or espadrilles - nude shoes go with everything and every color.  I have several dresses in my summer wardrobe that would require a special color shoe and it's hard to justify buying another pair of shoes to wear with just one dress. For those times, I just slip on my nude patent wedges and everything looks great.  Just make sure when buying nude shoes that you buy a color that goes well with your skin tone.  Nude shades range a very large color spectrum.  I had to look specifically for a pair that had pink undertones.  The idea is to get the shoe to blend in with your legs, thereby elongating them and eliminating the need for "matchy matchy" shoes to go with your clothes.  Also for spring/summer, a woman needs a pair of sandals for wearing with skirts, shorts, jeans and dresses.  Choose a color and heel height that goes with a majority of your summer wardrobe. Sandals might need to be replaced every year due to wear and smell (summer heat = foot sweat) so you can afford to be cheaper with your sandal purchases if you plan to re-purchase for the following year.

Finally, every woman should have a pair of tennis shoes.  I personally don't care for tennis shoes, but do wear them occasionally.  And it's nice to have a pair for when I get asked to do things like go on a hike, mow the grass, and practice soccer with my son.  I may not wear them often, but when I have to, they're there.  Some women love tennies and wear them every day. Those would be worth spending more money for comfort, fit and longevitiy. I don't spend much money on my tennies because I don't wear them often. 

So, there are my must-have shoes for every woman.  Personally, since I love shoes so much, I have multiple shoes in multiple colors in each of these categories.  But I've been collecting shoes for quite some time and some shoes have been with me for many, many years.  Take a look at your closet and before you buy any more shoes, know what you already have and what you really need.  Then you'll have a better idea of what to be looking for as summer shoes go on sale and fall/winter specials are offered in stores.  Next week, we may take a look at how shoes can alter your apperance....you might be surprised!

When Beauty is Elusive

I am not feeling feminine today.  I am not feeling beautiful today.  It's hard to feel pretty when your acne has erupted into (what feels like) golf-ball-sized cysts.  It's hard to feel feminine when you can't look your husband in the eye because he might notice the acne on your face....the husband who has seen you in the most unflattering of situations (childbirth) and loves you regardless.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, beauty is vain, beauty is only skin deep, you are more than your flaws.....all nice cliches until you wake up one morning and for whatever reason what you see in the mirror makes you cringe. Makes you want to stay inside away from the world.  Makes you doubt yourself.  Makes you feel ugly.

Beauty is more than what people see on the outside.  It's more than what you see when you look in the mirror. Beauty is just as much mental as physical.  And never more so than when we attribute beauty, or the lack thereof, to ourselves.  We look in a mirror and then quickly look away.  Or we look in a mirror, sigh in dismay, and then attempt to fix (yet again) what is "wrong" with our appearance.  The ideas that we carry around about our appearance and our bodies are so often negative.  From magazine images, media advertising, comparisons among other people - we never measure up and deep down inside, we tell ourselves we never will.  How many times have I told myself that if I just try one more cleanser, buy one more high-priced product, see one more dermatologist, cut out one more food group that my skin will finally be normal?  I can't even count the times.  Sometimes, the disappointment that comes from unmet expectations triggers more of those negative feelings and the vicious cycle starts all over again.

I have a choice - right now, today.  I can wallow in these feelings of ugliness and low self-worth until my face heals from this latest outbreak.  Or I can look outside myself and my own feelings to a higher truth.  Truth is a fact that is unchanging...unlike my fragile and whimsical emotions.  Truth is ultimately found in God.  My sovereign God, who is intimately aware of how I feel and what I'm saying to myself in my head, had a "message" for me this morning. My quiet time was focused on Psalm 139, which is probably my favorite psalm.  The accompanying reading was from the book "15 Minutes Alone with God" by Emilie Barnes and this quote shot right to my heart:  "You are His child.  He loves you more than any earthly father could possibly love you.  Because He is your Heavenly Father, Almighty God, He cares for you even when you don't care for yourself."  What grabbed me about this is that God doesn't just care about my acne....he cares about how I feel about my acne.  He cares about my embarrassment, my feelings of ugliness, my feelings of disallusionment.  He loves me.  Not just in a nebulous way where he knows about my suffering and might choose to do something about it down the road.  But he loves me enough to comfort me in the midst of that suffering and let me know for the thousandth time that I am special, I am His and I am worthy.  That is where I can find peace and regain some semblance of beauty - even in the midst of the pain.  There is real beauty in being loved that much.  It's not hard to love perfection, but when Almighty God can condescend to love the wholly unworthy, ugly and deficient - that is something about which to rejoice!

You may look at me today and see my flaws; but God is looking at me right now and seeing his special and belovedchild.  That is beauty that no one or no thing can ever take away.

Our Responsibility to Younger Women

This morning I was reading in Titus 2 about the responsibility of older women to teach younger women valuable life principles.  Things like how to keep a home, how to care for a husband and children, how to comport oneself with grace and dignity.  I got to thinking about how I never would have considered myself an "older woman".  That title was reserved for the sweet elderly generation of women...those with grey hair.  Then I considered that there is always someone physically or spiritually younger than us, looking to us - whether consciously or unconsciously - for guidance and direction.

I am an older woman to my daughter.  She will learn things from me of which I'm not even aware.  I can, and should, teach her how to cook, wash clothes, sew a button on a shirt, pump her own gas and manage her finances.  These are things I want her to master before she leaves our home.  However, what about the other things I'm teaching her by my lifestyle and attitude?  What impressions am I leaving on my impressionable 13-year-old daughter about how a wife relates to her husband?  How to handle adversity and disappointment?  How to set aside time for a true relationship with God?  She will learn far more from my daily example in these areas, than oral lessons at this point in her life.

I am an older woman to my church family.  We are a covenant community of believers; thereby I am a surrogate "mother" to the girls and teenagers in our church. What am I teaching them about appropriate and feminine dress?  Am I demonstrating by my actions a willingness to serve the church even when my service may not be what I would consider perfect?

I am an older woman to my blog readers. Although some of you may be older than me, I am still imparting wisdom (or what I consider wisdom) and lessons that I've learned through my 36 years.  In this way I can encourage others and maybe help to effect change in their lives. All through simply writing and publishing what I'm thinking about on a given day.

There are plenty of opportunities for us, as women, to assume the responsibility of the older woman. And what a great calling and responsibility it is.  We never know who is watching us, emulating us, or learning from us.  Make sure that what you are teaching - both in your words and actions - is worthy of being followed!

The Simple Life

I've alluded in past posts to my quest over the past year to simplify my life.  From cutting off my troublesome hair to purging my closet to ridding my house of clutter and unnecessary "stuff"...I've made progress, but it's definitely still a work in progress.  Something I said in my last post spurred a college friend to begin purging her own home and this got me thinking about simple ways that everyone can simplify their lives.  When we surround ourselves with too much "stuff" things tend to either get overlooked or underappreciated.

1.  Learn to say "No!" - As a people pleaser, this is so hard for me.  After all, I don't want someone to think less of me for denying them what they're asking!  So, the old "me" would give a resounding "yes" while cringing on the inside knowing that I was already overextended.  We all need to learn to prioritize.  There's a big difference between doing what is necessary and doing what is simply a good thing to be doing.  If you are so busy that time with your God and your family is suffering, then something needs to go.  And that something may be church responsibilities.  Don't tune me out just yet.  There was a time recently when I was asked to teach Sunday School. I felt pressured because it was for the church, I'd taught in years past and didn't know of anyone else who would step up to do it.  Plus, there was that aspect of wanting to please people.  So I said "yes".  My teaching stint lasted 6 months.  What I found was that after taking care of my family/home and my normal 3 jobs, I had nothing left to give those 3rd and 4th graders.  They got the leftovers....which just wasn't right.  So I stepped down from the good responsibility of teaching and what do you know?  They found someone else to teach relatively quickly and those children are much better off without my half-hearted efforts.  On rare occasions, my husband steps in and says "no" for me because I am too stubborn to admit that I can't be superwoman and do everything.  Sit down with a list and prioritize your life.  Put God at the top (not your church functions, but your actual relationship with God), then your husband, then your children....everything that comes after those is negotiable.  If possible, back out of some of the lesser things on your plate and see how it frees up your time and energy. Then reevaluate.  It's freeing to not try to be everything to everybody. Because somewhere along the line, someone will get short-changed and you definitely don't want those closest to you getting the short end of the stick.

2.  De-Clutter Your Home - All of us decorate our homes differently based on our sentimentality, finances and personal taste.  Some have collections of books on shelves and curio cabinets full of knick knacks, furniture in every corner, and pictures on every wall.  Others of us, prefer a more simple decorating scheme. But everyone needs to take the time to declutter their home, at least once a year.  I am amazed at the "stuff" that piles up seemingly out of nowhere!  Last year, I decided I was tired of having extra stuff that we did not use and clothes that I never wore.  Extra furniture that we did not need.  Extra paperwork to which we would never refer. So, I got rid of most of it.  I'm not much of a sentimental person, but still the school paperwork from both kids had accumulated to stockpile levels.  I trashed it all except the most cherished pieces.  Furniture we did not need was given away.  I used to buy decor based on looks in magazines or other people's homes instead of things that actually meant something to me.  Those silly pieces were also purged.  Call me lazy, but the less pieces of furniture and "stuff" to dust, the better!  We have 2 pictures hanging on the walls in our entire 2500sqf house...and one of those will be coming down sometime later this year.  I am tired of having things sitting around that I have to continually clean that mean absolutely nothing to me.  I challenge you to go through a room each week and donate, pass along to a friend, or throw away what you do not use or need.  A nice $300 Kitchenade mixer is great, if you use it....but useless if it just sits on your kitchen countertops because it's easier to just use the hand mixer.  Think long and hard about the things you have in your home and whether they are worth the time and effort to clean that it takes to have them there.  Your cleaning schedule will simplify and for me, the simplicity of decor and color in a room is a breath of fresh air. 

3.  Organize Your Closet - Ideally, this should be done twice a year....spring and fall.  It takes me an entire afternoon, but is well worth it.  Go through every item of clothing in your closet.  Make sure it all fits (try it on), is clean and doesn't need any quick fixes (missing buttons, hem coming undone, etc).  It's silly to have items hanging in your closet that you can't wear due to weight gain/loss, missing buttons, or stains. Take the time to get everything into workable and wearable order.  Throw away or donate items you have not worn in a year unless you realize it's a classic piece that you may want down the road. The $3 t-shirt you got at Walmart on sale is not a classic piece to be used over the next 10 years.  Do the same with your shoes.  Be ruthless.  You need to make your closet work for you. There is no reason why you should stand there morning after morning wondering what to wear.  Everything in your closet should be ready-to-wear with something else.  Don't buy a skirt because it's such a great price, only to realize you need a sweater, shoes and jewelry to go with it. Then it's not a great deal anymore and you accumulate a sweater, shoes and jewelry that may only go with that one outfit further limiting your wardrobe. I have always been the girl with tons of clothes and 100+ pairs of shoes.  I can honestly say that it's been a year since I purged my wardrobe and shoes and I don't regret it at all.  You should love the vast majority of the clothing in your closet - love the way it fits you and the way you feel while wearing it. Why else would you deign to give it space in your wardrobe?

4.  Streamline Your Routine - There is usually something you can do to streamline your daily rituals.  Go back to item #1 and look at your priorities.  If God is your top priority, then some things in your schedule may need to change in order to accommodate spending time with Him.  For me, this meant getting up earlier which necessitated going to bed early.  I enjoy a fully cooked breakfast each morning; in order to do that and not get up even earlier, my personal hygiene rituals had to change.  That's when the longer hair that needed blowdrying, multiple products and a straightening iron went out the door.  You can find ways to make your daily routines easier, more efficient and simpler.  Maybe that means getting rid of things entirely or trying a new method.  Think about what you do and how you do it....then lay out a plan to simplify the essentials and let the rest go.  You probably won't even miss what you end up leaving behind.  Even in the midst of my attempts at simplifying my routine, there are times when life gets extremely hectic.  I'm in one of those times right now and you probably are or will be soon.  For me, a daily list typed out in Microsoft Word is the only thing that keeps me on track.  I type out a list of everything I need or hope to accomplish in a given week.  Then I break it down into the things that absolutely MUST be done today and put those at the top of my to-do list. There are inevitably things that are not absolutely necessary but that I'd like to accomplish; and I feel no regrets if those don't get done by the end of the day.  They just get pushed off until the next day when I reevaluate and start out again with the necessities.  Usually, by the end of the week I've managed to accomplish the wants as well as the needs.  Plus, my Type-A personality enjoys crossing things off my list!  For the next few weeks I am living by my lists so I don't forget to do something important; it helps me feel streamlined and productive in the midst of the chaos that is my schedule right now (and also keeps my aging brain from forgetting things). About the middle of August, things should settle down and I'll be in a lull period.  That's the time for me to tackle those projects and books that I've not had time to indulge in lately.  For me, this whole system helps me put into practice my efforts at simplicity even when life seems to be utterly crazy.  And in those crazy times, the streamlining of my normal routine (meal prep, personal hygiene, housecleaning) is felt so much more because even in the midst of the chaos, there is still time for my quiet time, my breakfasts, family movie nights and special events with friends....things that I don't want to push aside because I'm "just too busy right now."

Sometimes, I think we get so caught up in the way we are currently living that we just go with the flow. We don't take the time to THINK about anything but just trudge along in the same old rut. But thinking about what you're doing and why you do it and how you could do it better is worth the effort because then you can effect change.  So, I encourage you to THINK about your house, your closet, your busywork, your life....and then put a plan into place to change what needs to be changed so that your life and goals are much simpler and easier to attain!  Ask yourself: "Why do I have this (duty, routine, material possession) if I don't absolutely love it?  Why should I give it my love and valuable time?"  It'll help you cull your life down to the essentials; thereby giving you more time to really appreciate and do the most important things.