We live in a lower middle-class suburban neighborhood. I am beyond thankful for our house, as the Lord brought us from a bad housing situation to one that blew away my wildest dreams. I've told my husband not to plan to move me from this house until the kids are grown and we are retired. However, the tweaking of the house to suit my own personal style? Well, that is very much a work in progress. A work that I've found hindered by the internet, decor blogs and Pinterest....because I don't know my own personal style. I know and love everyone else's personal style. I love decor blogs, visiting internet stores/sites on decorating and perusing Pinterest for decor and craft ideas to beautify my home. I've made wreaths just like blogger's wreaths, made crafts just like my Pinterest pins and coveted furniture just like "so and so" has. I've told my husband I want to turn our kitchen into an "all white oasis"...to which he rolled his eyes and said "Are you kidding?". And what do I get for all of this browsing and longing? I get a heart full of discontent and a constant desire to change things.
Please don't misunderstand. There's absolutely nothing wrong with change! In life or in your home decor. I love seeing what other people have done with their homes. But what I find myself doing is dreaming and planning for a life and decor style that is impossible right now - all because a blogger's home looks that way. Yes, I would love to live in a cottage by the sea, with all my decor done in white and pale blues. However, this is neither practical nor possible right now. So why do I try to force my suburban contractor-grade home to look like that? It only leads to discontent and dissatisfaction with the current state of our furniture, our decor and our life. I look at internet pictures and other people's blogs and I want to recreate what they have...at any cost. I've not only found that this kind of "dreaming" leads to discontent; but it also hampers my own personal style.
I love Pottery Barn style decor and costal cottage looks. I love simplicity and cool colors. But if I attempted to turn my home into a PB catalog, or duplicate a picture of a house that I see on a blog, I have succumbed to someone else's idea of decorating and style. What is wrong with my own style? Is it subpar? Are the things I truly enjoy tacky or weird? Does my home have to look like a Southern Living spread in order for me to be happy there? No, of course not! But often I find myself expressing those very thoughts to myself. I walk away without bringing something into my home that I truly love because others might think it doesn't "go" or because it doesn't fit in with that magazine image in my head.
I've made things for my home based on another blogger's beautiful pictures and then once I display it realize that I don't really like it. It's not my style. I've decorated my house in "warm and cozy" colors and tones because that is what was popular at one time....and because Pier One swayed me with their clearance prices. And then I've grown to hate those yellows, oranges and browns. I've put in dark wood floors based on gorgeous magazine photos (and spent a fortune on them), only to discover that with my life and penchant for neglecting housework, those floors end up coated with dust and dog hair which I'd never considered before purchasing. Why do I insist on trying to be like everyone else? Making my home look like everyone else's home? Dressing like everyone else? God made me a unique and individualistic person and yet, so often, I hide those unique traits in order to imitate someone else. I see another woman who seems to have it all together and then just try to emulate her style and her decor. The problem is that, often, the person we're imitating is actually imitating someone else....who is probably imitating someone else. Do you realize how few truly authentic people there really are? Someone willing to buck convention, fashion trends and decor magazines to stay true to themselves and their own personal sense of style? I can only think of a few. Mostly I find myself copying a blogger, who is copying another blogger, who is copying a decor magazine, which was written by a writer who found someone with a style that was unique or different.
I want to challenge myself to step outside the realm of how "I should decorate" my home (because everybody else does) and move into the realm of how "I want to decorate" my home. That's not to say I won't use the creativity of others to help flesh out my unique ideas, but I want those ideas to be completely owned by me...not just an imitation of someone else's genius. I need to seriously consider what gives me great joy instead of trying to copy what gives someone else great joy. Because it's a total waste to put time and money into decorating your home just to step back and realize you don't really love it at all (case in point: my kitchen curtains which are about to undergo their third revision in the past 6 months).
So, my ever-present struggle with contentment and finding joy in the "right now" goes on. But at least in the struggle I'm discovering the real me....and leaving behind the person content to just imitate someone else.
**Picture courtesy of www.urbanblissmedia.com**
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