Settling into Winter

Come and have a cup of tea with me while I write about random thoughts. :-)

I've been thinking on what, if anything, to post recently and realized that our life as a family (and by extension, my life) is pretty consistent right now.  Nothing major happening in the grand scheme of our family and in my own personal search for femininity.  However, there were some random thoughts that I figured I'd put down in writing....maybe some of you can relate.

This time of year, after the holiday hustle and bustle is passed, can be rather dull.  No more parties, the house looks bare once the decorations come down, it's cold outside and gets dark early.  Sometimes, you just feel "blah."  It reminds me of a phrase used a long time ago:  "settling in for the winter".  That phrase brings to mind families hunkered down in cabins during the heavy winter storms with a cellar full of canned goods and a fire crackling in the fireplace.  They're just waiting out the cold of winter and hoping for the spring.  I think often in our own lives we "settle in".  Some people refer to it as your comfort zone,  You get in a rut and just keep on going because it's comfortable, it's safe, it's known.  There's nothing intrinsically wrong with continuing on your same old path; but, I think, it helps to reevalute every now and then.  Why do I continue on in this same path?  Sometimes the answer is not pretty.  Sometimes it's because we're afraid - we've failed too many times before so now we better play it safe.  We've lost hope that our situation can ever be different.  We've quit looking for the spring because it seems like it will never come again.

Sometimes we don't leave the rut because we fear the unknown - this hits closer to home for me.  I'm currently scheduled for a consultation with my eye doctor to look into laser eye surgery.  This is way outside my comfort zone!  I'd rather lose a limb than my eyesight.  I've been wearing glasses and/or contacts since the 3rd grade and they work great (most of the time).  There's a comfort and familiarity with my morning and evening contact ritual.  Why take the risk?  I go back and forth on whether it's truly worth it.  The Lord has been gently prodding me this week that I need to step out and trust Him.  It's a small step, obviously - the risk of complications is slim to none.  But a step nonetheless for someone very comfortably walking in a rut.  This kind of trust issue goes deep between me and God.  I love and cling to the doctrine of God's sovereignty; until I really dwell on the fact that a God who is sovereign can do whatever he wants in my life.  He could take my husband, he could take my kids, he could take everything I own, he could take my health.  It's in those times that serving a sovereign God is scary.  I know good Christian women whose husbands have been taken by illness or tragedy.  I know good Christian women who lost children the ages of my own kids.  How can I trust a God who is that powerful?  It's then that I have to run back to Scripture and be assured by the fact that God is the embodiment of love, that He is a good God, that He delights in me, his child.  I can only trust that if he chose for me to lose something so dear and precious to my heart, he knows what is best and is somehow working it all for my good and his glory.  So, I go to my eye consultation and talk laser vs. doctor, finances and recovery times....all the while trusting God that whether I come out of surgery with 20/20 vision or a total loss of sight, He is in control and loves me enough to work all for my good.  I'm attempting to step outside my rut and just trust.

Finally, one more random thought!  I've seen several bloggers post about choosing one word to be their goal to strive for during this new year.  One word that sums up where they want to go and how they want to change.  I never set out to choose a word, but God gave me one anyway.  My word for 2013 is "content".  I am truly praying that God will grow a spirit of contentedness and peace in my heart.  I want to be content with my possessions, content with my current car, content with my current house, my job, my church, my family and my life.  And in that contentment I want to cultivate real gratitude for the abundance that God has already given me.  So, I'll probably be stopping in every now and then to update you on how the growth (i.e struggle ) is going.