The Choice of Feminine Speech

I got into a discussion with my 8-year-old son on Friday about the way we speak.  Why some words are considered "off limits" and what makes those words "bad".  We have always wanted to be parents who provided a reason for the rules we have in our home.  Above all, we try to avoid telling our kids to do/not do something just because we said so.  If we believe something, we should be able to back it up with a reason....whether that reason is as noble as a Scriptural conviction or as silly as a personal preference.  You try explaining to a young child why there are certain words used commonly in the Bible, but we should choose to not use such words in our conversations because of the connotation those words convey today!  Or why respected adults use words that are not allowed in our home.  Or why we choose to not use certain words, even when there's nothing inherently wrong with those words.  Basically, it comes down to a matter of choice.  Are words inherently wrong or evil? No, they are just words...vowel and consonant strung together to form patterns that we interpret as words.  Am I free to use any words I want when speaking?  Sure, I am.  Can I choose to speak in a certain way so as best to reflect my God and my femininity?  Most definitely.  It all comes down to a choice.

We, as women, have a choice about the way we speak and the words that we use.  I have paid attention to people over the years, both professionally and casually.  In order to come across as a professional, intellectual and put-together person, your speech should reflect a certain refinement.  As a woman, in order to exude femininity, my speech should reflect that inward spirit of calm, quiet and serenity.  These patterns of speech are all matters of choice.

I have a tendency, when under pressure and sometimes even in a casual setting, of speaking a mile-a-minute and the more stressed I am, the faster I talk.  Often, through my fast-paced speech, I completely disregard whatever anyone else is saying in an attempt to get my point across and get it obeyed/considered as quickly as possible.  I also have a tendency to throw in crass words that make me feel more "hip" or "of the moment".  Just keepin' it real here!  Words like "crap", "stupid", "gay" are all part of my normal speech....and I wish they weren't.  Each time I say these (and other) words, there's a slight cringe inside.  A little pulling back and wishing I hadn't been so quick to use crass words, when another word could have been substituted that was more appropos, more intellectual, or just more feminine.  I'm thinking right now of the older generation of ladies in my church.  Sweet, God-fearing, feminine women.  And I'm trying to imagine them using these types of words....and I just can't picture it.  Yes, we are free to speak as we wish.  But I believe there are certain words and speech patterns that are decidedly unfeminine.  They are beneath me as a child of God and a feminine woman.

As I explained to my son, our words are a matter of choice. He doesn't have much choice in the matter right now - while he lives in our house he will abide by our rules of what is acceptable speech!  But when that critical time comes when he is no longer in our house, when he is on his own in the world, I want to have instilled in him that his speech is a choice - and that just as his mom chose to use or not use certain words/speech patterns, so he too will have to make that same choice. Choosing appropriate speech will help him in his life socially, professionally and academically.....just as that choice helps me in my search for true femininity.