Drivin' N (not) Cryin'

**Bonus points for you today if you know and enjoy the band referred to in my title!**

So, today, as I'm driving back to the office from picking up my kids at VBS (see the title had something to do with my opening paragraph), all sorts of thoughts about this blog and my goals were flooding my head.  In fact, to tell the truth, bloggy thoughts have been running rampant in my head since yesterday afternoon when I started this whole thing.  There's so much I want to say, so much I want to get down before I forget, so much I worry about putting out there that might offend people.  But mostly thoughts about what it means to be a truly feminine woman.

Before I get started on finding the feminine in our individual body shapes, I wanted to try to quantify what being feminine means to me at this stage of life.  Being "feminine" is not necessarily being "female."  Think of all the women who surround you in every area of life....family, work, church, grocery store, gas station, Walmart.  All of these women qualify as being female.  However, think closely about how many of those women you would truly consider to be feminine.  What qualities did those feminine women exhibit that made you classify them as such?  Was it the way they walked, the way they dressed, their calm and soothing spirit, the way they held their teacup during tea (pinky fingers out, please!)?  Each of us defines femininity differently. Sometimes based on how we were raised, how we want to be perceived by others, or how some influential woman in our lives has impacted us in tiny little ways.

Femininity can be demonstrated outwardly.  The way we fix our hair, the way we dress, the way we walk, the way we speak.  But, I think more importantly, true femininity springs from the inside....from the heart or spirit.  In I Peter 3, the Bible addresses the outward appearance and tells us not to let it be our sole focus as women.  Our worth, beauty and femininity does not ultimately come from the outward, but from the inward....that quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great worth.  THIS is what I've been trying to define this past year.  THIS is the beauty I want to cultivate in my life.  THIS is hard.

In the midst of working 3 part-time jobs, keeping a house, raising 2 kids, attempting to be a good wife, maintaining friendships with others, participating in church, practicing/playing for the church choir and a myriad of other responsibilities in my life, it is downright hard to have a quiet spirit.  My spirit can oftentimes most of the time just be characterized as stressed and hurried and impatient.  I find myself talking to people in rapid-fire speech so I can move on to the next thing on my list of to-dos....instead of taking the time to look them in the eye and truly engage in a conversation.  I rush my family out the door so as not to be late....and get upset with my kids when they can't find their shoes.  I drive like a crazy person to make it to work 2 minutes earlier....instead of taking the time to enjoy the drive, the breeze, the music on the radio.  My life is on constant fast-forward.  I may dress to kill, my hair be perfectly coiffed, all my physical flaws covered with just the right skirt/makeup/shoes, and my new necklace perfectly in place....in order words I may look meticulously feminine outwardly....and inside I'm a boiling pot of impatience and stress.

For me, and maybe for you, defining true femininity starts with cultivating that quiet and gentle spirit referenced in I Peter.  I love fashion, shopping, and all things girly like that, but if in my hurry through life I run roughshod over those I care about, and even the strangers at the gas pump or nail shop....then what good are my so-called feminine charms?  I would argue that this attitude nullifies femininity.

My solution?  Well, maybe not so much a solution as a work in progress.  I get up 45-60 minutes earlier than necessary, cook myself a nice breakfast (no kids, no husband....they get pop-tarts....yes, it's true) and sit down at my breakfast table to read Scripture, meditate, pray and think through my day.  This has been such a blessing in my life and sometimes is the only time of day that I have all to myself.  I attempt to slow down while driving, I roll the windows down and thank God for the breeze, the sunshine, anything at all.  I try (and this is so hard for me) to slow down and actually talk to people and LISTEN to their replies.  My husband and kids will attest that this is an ongoing struggle.  But at least I'm struggling!  I want to learn the art of slowing down, of being thankful for people and things and have that quiet, humble, gentle spirit of Scripture.  This is where my true femininity starts.  The rest is just playing dress-up.