The Lies Found in Comparisons - Part 2

The battle of comparisons usually takes place in our minds.  Very rarely would we dare voice the thoughts that we harbor about others.  Often we say the very opposite of what we're thinking; maybe in hopes of distracting others so they don't delve deeper into how we really feel or what we really think.  We may be dying inside; literally tearing ourselves apart with negative thoughts about our own self worth - but we paste on a smile, tell everyone we're doing "great" and move on quickly so they can't see behind the words.  We dress ourselves up in fancy attire and put on our new shoes, so people will notice the clothing and not the person within the clothing.  We hide behind the walls of our own homes instead of inviting people inside to see that we are not the perfect wife, mother and homemaker everyone thinks we are.  These actions and reactions flow from our negative thoughts - that we are not "enough".

However, there is another side to the battle that takes place in our minds.  Inside the same mind that harbors thoughts of never measuring up, there are also thoughts like these:

• What is she thinking wearing that outfit? (My clothes are much more stylish.)
• Are those crumbs on her kitchen floor? (I would never allow my floors to get that dirty.)
• I would never allow my children to act like that in church. (They should use our method of child training.)
• She really ought not to be singing in public. (My voice is much smoother than hers.)
• What is she listening to?  Madonna? (My music standards are much more pleasing to God.)
• They almost got divorced? (My marriage is stronger than hers.)
• She works outside the home? (She should be available to my children 24/7 - like me.)

These are actually tame thoughts.  They can be much worse.  What do we accomplish by thinking those things?  To put it simply, it makes us feel better.  When we compare ourselves and come out favorably in our own minds, it makes us feel better about our own insecurities. For a while, we can ignore our own doubts and fears about ourselves and how well we measure up (those pesky thoughts of "I am not enough") while concentrating on how far short they fall. But what's worse, is when we put on a faux-smile and compliment the person we just belittled inwardly.  "Oh, your house looks great!" or "Well, don't you look fancy today!".  All the while smiling smugly in our own minds because we "know" we are better. And therein we find the second lie in comparison - "I am better."

What we fail to realize in our superior comparisons is that we really are no better.  We cannot be a better person; because we are all sinners.  Remember what we talked about earlier? There is nothing good in us.  Absolutely nothing.  There is nothing intrisically different between myself and a prostitute.  We are both sinners in need of God's mercy and grace. But, you say, what about the fact that I'm a child of God and she is not?  Doesn't that make me better?  No!  If you had anything to do with your salvation, then maybe there would be a reason to make that claim. But the truth is that we did absolutely nothing to merit our salvation. We couldn't even choose Him, apart from his grace!  He had to enable us to make the choice.  If we were unable, in our fallen state, to even make the choice; if our eyes were completely blinded until God chose to open them; then how could you possibly say that his choice of you to be his child makes you better than one he did not choose? 

And to carry the thought further, how can you say that you are better in any way (physical appearance, family behavior, material possessions, talents) when God has given you everything that you have...and conversely, has withheld everything that she (or he) does not have?  The sovereignty of God makes your superior comparisons null and void.  If God chose to bless you with a large home and disposable income with which to decorate it, you should be thankful - not look down on someone else for their lack of stylish decor when they may not have the money to decorate as you do.  If God chose to bless you with organizational skills that make it easy for you to keep up with your household chores, you should be thankful for that gift - not look down your nose at your sister in Christ who struggles to keep up with her household tasks and care for her children at the same time.  If God chose to bless you with a thin and lithe body, you should be thankful - not look with disdain on those who are trying to be healthy but whose bodies are scarred by childbearing, weight fluctations or physical flaws.  If God chose to bless your childrearing efforts and your children are always well-behaved, then be thankful - don't judge someone else because their children are testing the limits of independence.  When we compare ourselves with a mindset of superiority, we are making ourselves idols in our own minds.  We think they should live up to our standards (of beauty, behavior, possessions).

Only by focusing on God, can I find self worth after my negative comparisons and only by focusing on God can I view myself properly in light of my superior comparisons.  God is the measuring stick - not another person.  And when I view myself in light of God, my comparisons can be viewed through a true lens - not a warped one of my own making.  Those negative thoughts that "I am not enough" pale in the light of God's love demonstrated toward me.  Those superior thoughts of "I am better" are overtaken by the realization that only by God's grace am I the person I am.  My response in both cases should be an overwhelming gratefulness to God!  When I choose to put my eyes on Him (because He alone deserves that kind of focus), all those other comparisons fall by the wayside as I respond in joy and thankfulness for what He has done.